Devin Gordon imagines

I love you more than bees love honey

*devin is in his room crying*

I honestly don't understand what's wrong with me. The past couple months I've been so numb. Everything I found interest in singing, dancing, playing videos games all of it just doesn't make me happy any more nothing does. I've tried telling my dad but does he care? No he just tells me to "suck it up" and that "you have nothing to be sad about, you got a roof over your head? Clothes on ya back? Everything you could ever want is taken care of"

I've tried telling my mom but all she ever does is tell me to "pray about it"
yeah like god cares about me I don't even believe in religion anymore  it's like If god was real why would he make anybody feel the way that I feel? I wouldn't wish this feeling on anybody

So here I am crying in my bed at 2 am with my face in the pillow because I'd be dammed if I wake anybody up and they catch me like this

*the next day*

So I woke up around 12 pm (like always) ever since this depression hit everything about me changed my mood,eating habits ,sleeping habits I don't even talk alot anymore but does my family even notice probably not
Oh yeah let me tell you guys about my friends

The only real friends I ever had was Daniel, Kevin. And Y/n but once I found out kevin was messing around with My Ex girlfriend him and Dani just stopped talking to me. The only real friend I have left is Y/n she's the only real reason I'm still sticking around (as in not killing myself) I love her, I love her more than anything. At school she sticks up for me when people talk about all the rumors that Kevin and Daniel spread about me she hugs me when I'm down and she tells me how much I matter to her honestly I feel as if I'm not worthy of her, her time or energy

Yn pov

Devin Allen Gordon
is the most beautiful boy I've ever met in my life. I've never been so in love with somebody. I love his wonderful eyes, his funny laugh, his wide smile, the way he walks and the way he talks I love the feeling I get when he hugs me and the tingly feeling he leaves on my body when he touches me and how he leaves little kisses on my cheek when I'm not paying attention I love laying on his chest while he's asleep and listening to his gorgeous heart beat watching his chest rise and fall

but

How does someone so perfect feel so insecure as to scar his skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more? How does someone so loving learn to hate hate his own guts? he draws pictures on his arm with a blade as if his mind isn't dark enough
I love this boy and it hurts me to see him Like this

*1 week later*
Yn pov

usually Devin is at home by himself because because  his family doesn't want to be around a "downer" 
they completely don't understand him or his feelings

As I walk into his home I start calling for him "devin, devin are you here?" But no answer I do know that he's here cause I texted his sister lexi and she said that he was here so I just start walking up the steps when I start walking up the steps I hear quite whimpering coming from Devins room he's calling me

"y/n...........y/-" it stopped after I heard that I started running to Devins room I go inside his room and I see a knife with blood on it infront of his door and a trail of blood going into his bathroom I ran into his bathroom open up the door and there

Devin was sitting there with his back to the wall he looks up and says

"it won't stop bleeding" his eyes are filled with tears and mine soon follow

I help Devin stand up and I run into the hallway bathroom and pull out the first aid kit I bring it back into his bed room and as I start wrapping up his deep wounds I ask "why, why di-"

"I tried to kill myself.... It didn't work"-devin says with no emotion

"Devin why dont you not understand how much that would pain me"

"I hate my life .........do YOU not understand how I feel. Every waking moment I live in agony the numbness, this void in my heart is more painful than anything I've ever felt y/n I love you more than life itself, I love you just like bees love honey I love you like the moon loves the stars but baby this feeling I can't live with I don't think I can much longer"
I just stare at Devin in disbelief

I know for a fact that if Devin would have killed himself my suicide would follow soon after I literally watch as this beautiful boys heart breaks

"Baby is their anything I could do for you anything ,the last thing I would ever want you to do is this again I love you to much to watch you suffer" I say with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat

"I feel as if I'm a lost cost but if you want to do anything just be there for me please "-devin says as I finish wrapping up the last of his bandages

"I promise baby I'll never leave no matter what"

*1 year later*

After the incident with Devins suicide attempt(because he was cutting himself with the intention of killing himself afterwards) his mother found out about it a week later because she saw the seen the wounds on his wrist she immediately called the suicide hotline and asked what she should do they told her to take devin to the hospital they put him on suicide watch for about two days and gave him a full mental evaluation while he was there they then  diagnosed him with sever manic depression for a couple of weeks Devin had a therapist but then he attempted suicide for the second time so they decided that it would be better for him to be in a 24 hour care facility while Devin was at the care facility the Ward for child wellcare basically ordered their family to have group/family therapy had to meet twice a month to work out the problems they still do meet and now that Devin is out of the mental facility he's never been happier and as for me and devin well as you can tell I kept my promise of never leaving him we wrote to each every week He told me how his stay was, about new friends he met and about how much he missed me

*Devins pov*

After the whole incident I went to a mental health place with alot of other teenagers that was going though the same thing as me. I know this might not sound good but, it felt good knowing that I wasn't the only person that was depressed it felt good to get away from my family and to get away from that school the only thing that wasn't good was that I had to leave Y/n that had to be the longest 8 months of my life but also the most fun. My parents decided to put me in another school across town after they heard about the bullying. that helped me alot because some of the kids that were at the facility go to that school so I don't have to lose friends y/n decided to switch over to the school I go too because she hated our old school My family also are getting along better because of the family counseling. my sisters and I are close and life couldn't get any better

to anybody reading my story I just want to let you know that life does get better and the way you are feeling isn't your fault their is always somebody that loves you just life y/n loves me, if you feel as if nobody does just know that I do (and the real Devin does to) and I honestly hope the best for you in your life