Bruises

Facing Him

I found Tré at home after the session and he was storming around the kitchen-getting things ready for dinner I guessed.
"Will you talk to me?" I asked as I stepped through the door but he stopped at the kitchen counter and faced away from me.
"Tré?"

"What," he said flatly and I sighed unevenly.

"We need to talk."

"Why? You're going to go back to see her, what's left to talk about?"

"If you really don't want me to go then... I guess I'll have to stay here."

He turned to face me, "do you honestly think it will help you? Seeing her again?"

"I don't know..."

"Then why the desperation to visit again? Why are you so eager to be upset?"

"I'm not, I just want the nightmares to stop!"

"But it's only now that you've started speaking to a therapist, and behind my back? And then she suddenly tells you that you should go and see Olivia again? Doesn't this seem weird to you?"

"What are you getting at?" I crossed my arms.

"I just don't know why you want to see her again!"

"Wait, was Maria right? Are you jealous that I'm seeing Olivia again?"

"Oh, so you're definitely seeing her then." He turned his back on me once more and I stepped closer.

"It is that isn't it? You're worried that I'll go back to her?"

He whirled round, his eyes quickly becoming furious, "she has a hold on you, Billie, and you can't deny it! She messed you up so much that you stayed with her all that time, even while she was hurting you, and she made you stop seeing me! Something I didn't think anyone could ever do, so yeah; I'm a a bit worried about you seeing her again. For Christ's sake, you still dream about her! So don't you dare talk to me like I'm being unreasonable!"

I backed down straight away and sat on the chair closest to me, waiting for Tré to calm down.
Unfortunately he didn't and marched out of the room shortly after he'd stopped shouting, and I sat with my head in my hands.
"Tré, please don't go..." I tried but I heard the bedroom door slam a few moments later.
I took a few breaths to get try head clear before following him upstairs and knocked on the door, "Tré, come on... this is ridiculous..."
No reply.
I slowly opened the door and saw him sat on the bed, once again facing away from me. I walked over and stood next to him, "why don't you just talk to me instead of storming off like that?"

"I tried talking to you," he responded bluntly, keeping his eyes on the wall opposite.

"We haven't finished though-"

"-What do you want me to say, Billie? You have my permission to go running back to her?"

"Who said anything about me running back to her? This is all in your head-"

"-is it?" He finally looked at me and his eyes were filled with concern.

"Why would you think it wasn't? Where is this coming from?"
He chewed his lip and looked away again.
"Hey," I sat down next to him, "what's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong."

"But why do you feel like that? Where is this coming from?"

I thought I saw his lip quiver but he clenched his jaw before I could look any further, "the dreams. You wake up almost every night with her in your head. I try to make you feel better but I can't. So now you're going to see her. What happens if she convinces you that it's me that's doing this to you? Or that you're better with her?" He was rambling now and didn't seem like he was going to stop, "or maybe she will convince you that you should stop going to therapy, that she can help you, and before you know it you'll be remembering how much you love her and I'll be thrown aside, because I feel..." He lost his words and had to take a shaky breath before continuing, "I feel... fucking... I feel fucking helpless, Billie..." He was desperately trying to fight the tears but his voice was letting him down and he stopped talking, looking the other direction.

"Tré... I didn't know you felt like that... you have no reason to, I'm never going back to her... I love you... remember? I know you're scared but you need to believe me when I say that I'm only doing this to try and get better... I don't love her anymore."
His breathing looked unsteady and I put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him over to me, and hugged him tightly. He hid his face in the crook of my neck and tried not to sob.
I felt awful. I didn't realise how strongly he felt about this... or how worried he was about losing me... I thought about it and realised how I'd feel if it was the other way round... I wouldn't be happy either.
"It'll be okay," I shushed him and he squeezed me tighter, "I'm not going anywhere."