You murder my heart!

The Monster (pt.1)

~ 5 months later ~

It was the middle of August, the 23rd to be specific and 5 months after Marshall had left me at the altar. I honestly still couldn't cope with what had happened and how he had waited until the literally last second, to leave me. Over and over the events of the day were playing in my head and how he had apologized and ran away. I still had the image of his face clearly in my mind and still every night I'd wake up all sweaty, crying while I yelled his name. My life after the second I'd broken down to my knees in my bridal dress was joyless, he had taken my heart with him....

Flashback

"This is a fuckin' joke!!!" Royce yelled angrily while he jumped up from his chair and rushed together with my mother to my side to pick me up off the ground. "I swear he'll pay for that. This time the motherfucker gets his cursed ass beaten..." he mumbled and bent over to lift me up on his arms.
"I'm so sorry..." my mom whispered over and over while her hand ran soothingly over my head and I hid my face in the crook of my best friends neck and cried my heart out.

Royce had carried me; followed by my mom, sister, Nic and Ronnie into the honeymoon suite and placed me carefully down on the bed. While we'd walked upstairs I'd heard my brother and older cousins getting in a huge argument with the rest of D12, because my side of the family was ready to slaughter Marshall and hang him from the roof of the Shady Records building. But right now I couldn't care less, he had humiliated me in the worst possible way.
"Get me out of this dress..." I whispered and wiped the tears very unladylike with the back of my hand off my face.
"What?" Nic asked me, stepped at my side and rubbed soothingly over my back and I jolted up while I started to rip on the fabric.
"Get me out of this dress!!" I yelled desperately and instantly my sister helped Nic to open the dress.

30 minutes later, I was dressed in sweatpants and a shirt from my sister, sneakers from Hailie and my hair was opened again and my makeup washed off. I was standing alone in the bathroom of the hotel suite and stared at the shell who was once me in the mirror.

You gotta be strong!

I turned around and walked out to the others and told them it was time for me to talk to my guests. For sure my mother advised me to not torture myself even more, but I'd told her that I wasn't a coward like him.
We walked downstairs into the beautiful decorated ballroom and instantly everyone stopped talking when they saw me and looked compassionately at me.
"Hi..." I started when I'd stopped at the table where normally Marshall and I would be seated to celebrate our wedding and I took a deep breath to hold my tears back. "I honestly have a whole other speech prepared but..." I stopped talking, took another deep breath and brushed the tears that had escaped my eyes away, "but Marshall decided that I can't tell you all that. I really don't know what to say other than I definitely don't want y'all to leave now. So..." I swallowed and after another deep breath I continued, "everyone who wants to really get drunk with me is very welcome!" I grabbed the glass of whiskey from a waiter, that probably Royce had ordered him to bring me, downed it all at once and placed it with a loud 'bang' on the table behind me. "Have fun!"

Flashback end!

After my speech all had been a big blur, I had gotten so damn trunk that Royce had to carry me into the suite and the blur still held on.
My family had somehow managed to get all my stuff out of Marshall's house while I was having my pity party. How? - I have no clue and honestly I hoped that it had been my brother and cousins who had went over to pack my stuff and hopefully they'd whooped his ass if he was at home. I could've asked but I never did!

The following months I'd; against my family's wish, stayed in Detroit. This city is my home and I refused to run like he did. Only every time when I'd the feeling that the roof came crashing down on me, I searched on the internet for a nice place to go to and booked a last minute flight. Like I had done 10 days ago when I'd flown to the Maldives....