You murder my heart!

.......

All I could do after I'd heard Marshall's words was crying, though; truth to be told, it had been my own stupidity to get him to admit it. But thinking about it, how long would we've made it before he had found out himself and had left me anyway.

Probably not long......

Since the first time I'd found out; well they'd confessed it, the morning in the kitchen that they had 'kissed', the fear that Marshall would one day leave me for good for Kim had stayed with me, but over and over I'd pushed it in the back of my mind and tried not to let it eat me alive. Then he'd really left me for her.....well I'd left him, but only because I'd found out that he'd cheated on me with her again............
And again I'd taken him back!

Stupid me.......

And now this! I never really wanted to admit to myself that they belonged together, simply because I'd believed him every time when he'd told me that he only wanted and loved me. But how stupid had I've been to really think that he could get over her with all they'd experienced together?! My husband was a creature of habit and Kim was his first love, so.......

"Was I ever more than a replacement?" I asked him when I'd wiped the tears off my face and finally looked into his eyes.
"You was much more than that."

Was......... he's already referring in the past.....

Marshall was completely calm, no tears were to be seen, he didn't fiddle around with his fingers or bracelet. I think for the first time ever he was completely honest with me.
"Then what was I?" I asked on, not even understanding why I wanted to hear all this, I just needed to know to get closure.
"I've loved you, I still do and forever will, but....." he let his voice trail off and took a step closer to me, but I backed away.

If he would touch me now, I'd cry like there's no tomorrow.....

"She's who she is, I can't change it. I'm sorry Tina!" He tried to explain his feelings and though I didn't nor couldn't understand, I nodded.

"Are you out of your fuckin' mind?" Both, mine and Marshall's heads, turned to the entrance of the living room, where Kim walked in looking much angrier than I'd ever seen her. "You really gonna leave her? Because of me???" She yelled at him and while I looked confused at her from her statement, she stepped at my side. "Forget it! I won't take your sorry ass back! NEVER!!!!"
"Kim...." I tried to cut in, tried to do one last thing to help him to be happy for the rest of his life, but she shook her head repeatedly.
"Hell no!!!! Sorry to say this Tina, but I'm not as stupid as you, not anymore! He did that with me over decades, I can't....." she turned to look at Marshall, who'd stuffed his hands in his sweatpants pockets and looked from her to me. "I won't take you back, Marshall. You had something good with Tina and I know it was my fault too that she got hurt over and over again, but I've made a decision a long time ago. It was either you or her and I need a loyal friend much more than you."

WOAH.........

I stared in utter disbelief at Kim while she stepped in front of me and grabbed me by my shoulders.
"I swear on the life of my daughters, I won't take him back Tina. I know you don't see it now, but one day it would hurt you and I'm done with hurting you. You was always nothing but loyal and good to me, it's time I'm loyal to you!"
"Kim...." I sighed out and tried with everything I had to keep the tears in my eyes at bay. For the first time ever, she tried to be a friend, my friend, but knowing that he'd be unhappy was something I couldn't take.
"Don't, I've made my decision!" She told me sternly and tightened her grip on me. "I promise you I'll be civilized with him for the sake of the kids, but I won't hurt you anymore. I've done enough and if you want to do the right thing now, you'll go upstairs, pack some stuff, call a lawyer and leave him.......for good!"

2 years later.........

Glasgow Summer Sessions

I had really done what Kim had told me, I'd packed a few things, called my lawyers to get the divorce papers ready and after I'd taken off my engagement and wedding ring, I'd left; together with Kim, the house. I never said goodbye or farewell to him.

Looking back now, it was the right thing. I knew I'd have broken down and it definitely would've hurt even more than it already had.

I've suffered for a long time.....

3 months after the break up, I'd sold my house and had moved to London. The divorce had gone by without any problems and by now I was richer than ever. I was still friends with Ronnie and Kim and also had stayed in contact with the girls, which meant the world to me. Sadly the contact with Royce had died down.
And after over 1 1/2 years of grieving over my lost love, Marshall Mathers was nothing more than another closed chapter of my life.

"Come on now, get your butt out of the car!" Sarah, a friend of mine from London, ushered me and I took a deep breath before I reluctantly got out. I'd met Sarah while being out grocery shopping and after we'd started to talk, we'd found out that we lived in the same street and from then on we became pretty good friends. Sarah was a concert promoter and much to my dislike she'd persuaded me to come to Glasgow with her today....

Where my ex would be head lining.....

I'd never told her that I'd been married to Eminem and I never regretted it more than now. I know she would've never begged me to come with her if she knew....
"Here's your all access pass, hang it around your neck." She instructed me and I almost laughed out, for the fact that I knew exactly how and where to wear the pass, but I only nodded and kept quiet. "Damn, I hope we get the chance to see or talk to Eminem, he should be a very nice and humble guy..." she babbled while we walked through the gates and I rolled my eyes. "What?"
"He's just a man, Sarah!" I sighed out annoyed and she pinched me. "Ouch...."
"He's Eminem! The greatest rapper of all times, damn it...." she scolded me and I chuckled and rolled my eyes again, which earned me another pinch.
"Leave that shit!" I demanded while rubbing my arm and she giggled.
"Then stop being like this! The guy is hot...."

You've NOOOOOO IDEA.......

"And with the beard now.....ugh....." she let out dreamily and I stopped in my tracks and looked at her.
"He has a beard?" I asked her in disbelief and she nodded with a smirk, before it disappeared and she stared with her mouth hanging open over my shoulder.

"I do!" I heard a voice behind me and while my heart sunk I slowly turned around, only to stand face to face with my ex- husband. "How's the love of my live doin'?" He asked and all I could do was stare at him. He looked better than ever before, had gained weight, a beard and his blue eyes; who I'd loved so much, stared at me. "Tina, please say somethin'." He sighed out and I shook my head and wanted to turn away from him....

I have to get away from him.....

But he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. "Talk to me Tina, please..." he almost begged and I looked at him and again shook my head, I was unable to form a sentence. "Then I'll talk...." he sighed and stepped closer to me, while his free hand moved to my neck and he softly let his thumb brush over my jawline.
"I still love you....."