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SAVE ME ▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
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Wednesday 2:20 am
I WOKE UP GASPING for air as my body shot up from its once lying position to now a sitting-up one. My breathing was unsteady feeling like I was a fish out of water, but no matter what I couldn't get my breathing steady.
I had woken up from such a realistic nightmare that it was still affecting me even though I was awake. I gasped for air again whilst ripping my blankets from my body with such force that they basically flew off my bed. My legs felt wobbly when I put pressure on them to walk but I ignored the feeling and continued to my living room where Sugar was.
My brain kept replaying the dream in my head over and over as loud rain hit my living room windows. Rushing over to Sugar's pen I picked her up and cradled her small soft body up to my chest. Tears spilled down my face as I staggered back to my room being slightly blinded by my tears. I knew a panic attack was upon me but the intensity was unknown. Sharp lightning struck outside causing me to jump a bit, I sat on my bedroom floor in front of my bed trying to do deep breathing exercises whilst petting Sugar.
Imagines of my cousin burning in a car crash flooded my mind each time I closed my eyes. "Stop stop stop" I whispered to myself. I pleaded with my brain to end the graphic visuals of reliving the death of my cousin when I was a teen, which kept coming in like violent waves of a tsunami. I tried different coping mechanisms but each of them failed.
The rain added to the overwhelming feeling I had in my chest and I began to panic from not getting enough oxygen in my legs. I set Sugar next to me before reaching up to grab my phone from my nightstand. My hands shook and tears kept blurring my vision as I dialed Yaslin's number on my phone. "Please be awake" I cried softly but with each ring, my optimism dwindled. "Your call has been forwarded to an operative system" The voice on my phone spoke.
Out of desperation, I called again, and again but still with no answer. Each time the call failed it seemed like the rain got heavier and my room felt hotter. I lay on my floor with sugar in front of me as I began to cry harder. Yaslin was the only person I went to if I couldn't calm myself down from reoccurring nightmares of my cousin, but since she was answering my next option was to just let myself cry it out and hope for my breathing to eventually even itself out.
