Colors of Confusion

chapter 1

"Soutine, wake up." I hear my mother say to me through my locked door. I groan as I rolled over and ignored her. It was Sunday and all I wanted to do was sleep and maybe call up Amando to see if he wanted to hang out. There was a loud bang on my door.

"Soutine wake up and get dressed! You have a visitor!" My mom yells. I instantly jolt into a sitting up position. Who was visiting me this early on a Sunday? Wait, was it even early or was it late afternoon? Deciding I was not going to be able to tell the position of the sun, I grab my phone to see what time it was. When I turn on my phone, I saw that it was nearly three in the afternoon. There was another loud bang on the door, followed by my name.

"I'm getting up ma." I say in my early morning or in this case late afternoon voice. I really hated my voice; when I just woke up it sound excessively groggy. I force myself to sit up on the side of bed. I was delighted when my feet touched my soft plush carpet flooring. I got out of bed and walked to my closet, pulling out a pair of joggers and a random shirt.

I walked over to my door and unlocked it. When I opened the door I saw Amando standing there awkwardly.

"Hi." He says in a sheepish voice. I motion for him to come in my room. He comes in and sits on the chair in front of my desk and I sit on the floor.

"So what are you doing here?" I ask He does this adorable pout before replying.

"I wanted to spend time with my best friend." I still for some odd reason couldn't get over how cute he was. I decide to shake out these thoughts and try to focus more on the conversation.

"If you want to hang out we still can. I mean, we can talk or watch a movie." I reply, as I felt my face heat when I said watch a movie. Ugh, I felt so embarrassed about it that I put my head down in shame.

"Or we could kiss..." I heard Amando mumble with a joking smile. Did I hear right? He wanted to kiss me. Should I be disgusted by the fact that I haven't brushed my teeth and I want to do it or flattered that he wanted to kiss me.?

"W-w-what?" I stutter completely shocked. I mean I know Amando was gay, but could he have a crush on me. Even if he did, I couldn't return his feelings I was straight, no matter how times I would call him cute. I was straight, I had to be straight.

"Relax I was just kidding." He says, but then he looks at my face and his face changes to concern. "You don't want to kiss right..?"

I most definitely didn't want to kiss him, right? I wasn't gay, so what if when I hang out with cute guys my heart speeds up a bit. Did I just use cute to describe boys..? I Hate this feeling it so weird, it makes me uneasy just thinking about it. Why can't I just decide if I liked boys or not? Why did I want to kiss Amado? Did I just think that? I was even positive I was gay and I didn't want to kiss Amando he was my best friend.

"Soutine are you-" He starts before my lips smash on his. How long have I been walking closer to Amando? When did I get off the floor? Why was I kissing him? Now those questions didn't matter. All that matter was why I haven't stopped kissing him. As questions flash through my mind, I feel my eyes close as my lips move against his. I feel my arms go around his neck pulling him in closer. A minute into the kiss, I feel Amando push away. I was gasping for air.Why did I feel like crying?

Why did he push me away? Was I a bad kisser? I felt the tears as they threatening to fall.

"Soutine I'm sorry, I can't kiss you anymore. I have a boyfriend." He says. Oh right, he was dating someone. How could I forget he was my best friend, did my emotions control my thoughts to the point I forget that?

"Was I bad?" I hear myself ask. Why did I ask that? And why did Amando blush when I said that? I thought he was dating someone?

"You were pretty good. Was I your first?" He says. All I do is nod. He was definitely the first person I ever kissed and felt amazing. It was like my mind stopped functioning. His lips were so soft and I needed to stop thinking like this.. I was straight, no matter how much a simple kiss from a boy made me smile.