The Sound Of My Vendetta (A Killjoy Stori/Fanfiction)

The Desert and Destroya

     We spent most of the day out in the desert. We discussed our past lives and the dreams we had that would probably never come true. We ate lunch on a rocky surface near a cliff. When we got back out into the sand, I made a sand angel and he laughed. As we sat in the shadow of one of the many rocky crags that spotted the desert, I realized that I had shared more with him in the hours we'd spent in the desert than I had with anyone my entire life.
     I glanced down at the sand, wondering what he was thinking about that kept him so silent. He hadn't been silent all morning. It was just now. I didn't notice that he was looking at me until I glanced at him and he turned away suddenly. "What?" I asked with a smile.
     He grinned back. "Nothing," he said, "I was just wondering what you were thinking about that made you so quiet." I looked up from the sand I'd been twiddling between my fingers. He didn't look away.
     "I was thinking the same thing about you," I told him. His eyebrows shot up in disbelief. "Really. I was just thinking about how you were so quiet despite having been so care-free and talkative all the rest of the day.." I explained. He smiled slightly.
     "Do you think Kobra planned this?" he asked me quietly, though he was looking at the sand in front of him. I didn't expect that question. I looked up at him and then back down at my bit of sand.
     "Planned what?" I replied, though I knew exactly what he meant. He meant my crush. Kobra had known about it before I allowed myself to accept it. Party could clearly see it whenever we interacted. Maybe Kobra was trying to make it happen.
     His silence disarmed me. I'd been given ample time to think about it as Party thought about his answer. I could feel him looking at me this time, so I looked up. As soon as I did, he leaned over and kissed me. My arms instinctively wrapped around his neck as I kissed him back. I could feel his arm wrap around my waist.
     You know how you don't know what fireworks feel like until you experience them? As we sat there kissing, I knew that's what it was. There was a surge of energy straight through me, down to my toes, and I knew that it wasn't just a crush anymore.
     With a gentle push, I was on my back in the sand. Still we kissed. As he deepened it further, an unwanted thought popped into my head: we'd only known each other two days. Though it should have been enough to stop me, I didn't push him away. I was loving every minute of it, but like every moment you wish to savor, it was over too soon.
     Party pulled away from me and sat up. "No, I really shouldn't have done that," he muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair. I raised myself up on one elbow with an amused smile.
     "I didn't mind," I joked, trying to take whatever was bothering him off his mind.
     He plopped down next to me in the sand, but said nothing in response to my comment. I laid down too, staring at the sky that was growing dark. I could tell he was thinking about what to do or say next, so I stayed silent and let him.
     "Sonik.." he started faintly. He let that thought trail off too. I looked over at him, but said nothing. His eyes were closed, and his face was twisted with embarrassment. "Sonik, I just.." he began again. Like the last time he'd said it, he never finished the thought. Instead, he let out a sigh and mirrored me. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
     "For what?" I whispered back, rolling onto my side to face him more fully.
     He mimicked my movement, smiling a tight-lipped smile as he brushed some of my hair back. He looked so sad. I stared, silently, but expectantly.
     "I don't know if I can ever feel for you the way you feel for me," he finally said, very quietly. I blinked. What did that mean? He sighed, "I just..I don't think I could ever let myself fall like that again. Does that make sense?"
     I understood. This was not about me. I had nothing to do with it. This was about him and his girl. The one he'd lost. I nodded, smiling. I didn't want to smile, but I also didn't want him to feel the need to explain. He frowned.
     "I know you probably don't want to hear it, but you're amazing and it's weird how well we get along," he laughed half-heartedly, "but I care too much to risk falling in love. I can't.." he trailed off and closed his eyes again.
     "I understand, Party," I said, not sounding half as sad as I felt, "Don't worry."
     He pulled me in and hugged me, pressing a kiss to my forehead in the process. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he tucked my head under his chin. I sat there in his embrace, not knowing whether to hug him back or push away. So I did neither. Finally, he let me go. As we both sat up, there was a low roll of thunder.
     "Rain?" I questioned, "In the desert?" I looked up at the dark clouds looming overhead.
     "Oh shit," Party mumbled. He looked at me, "I really hope that's natural rain. Otherwise we're fucked."
     "What else would it be?" I asked warily. He got up and helped me up, looking up at the sky.
     "Acid," he said, handing me my helmet and putting his own on over his bright red hair. "Come on," he ordered as he swung his leg over to get on the bike. I followed and sat behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist once more. There was a bright flash as Party started the bike, and a boom of thunder followed about five seconds later.
     "Do you know where we're going from here?" I asked him through the helmet as we sped through the desert. He nodded, and I didn't question it. He had lived in the desert longer, he probably knew it far better than I did, though I found it hard to believe. The sand was always shifting, new dunes being created and destroyed by the hour. How could anyone not get lost?
     As we raced, the storm was gaining ground. Between lightening flashes and thunder claps, I would count. Every second was one mile. At first it was five. Then it was four. I wasn't scared until I only got to count to two.
     When we spotted the diner, Party hit the gas. I held tighter to him as the bike accelerated suddenly. There was a boom. Everything was white, even through the tinted visor. When the brightness finally faded, I still couldn't see. Neither could Party. We hit something and it knocked me off the bike.
     I landed right next to whatever we'd hit as my vision returned. It was rectangular and had a handle. I picked it up and held it close. I could hear the rain creeping across the sand. It was heavy. Whether it was acid or not, I couldn't tell, but I wasn't taking any chances. I stood up and ran.
     The sky lit up with another flash, though not as bright, and another boom sounded. I didn't hear the motorcycle engine speed up to me until Party was pulling me onto the bike. I grabbed onto him with one arm and held on for my life. The sound of rain was getting closer. The bike flew, kicking up dust. Party didn't stop until he had made it under the cover of the diner's garage. He hopped off the bike, leaving me to tumble off myself. In one swift move he shut the garage door just as the rain began to fall on the diner.
     Party looked back at me and took off his helmet. His face was ashen. I looked up at him and removed my helmet as well. The item I'd collected made a small clump sound as it made contact with the concrete floor. He glanced at it but then closed his eyes and let out an airy laugh.
     "I was scared for a minute there," he admitted.
     "Me too!" I agreed with a laugh to match his. We laughed for a moment and then he helped me up. I hugged him. "Thanks for saving me," I said, allowing some laughter to remain on my voice so it didn't sound so heavy.
     "I would never leave a Killjoy to die if I could help," he said, though I could tell there was more to it. I didn't challenge him. Instead, I just enjoyed the hug I was allowed to have. I let go first. I picked up my item and analyzed it.
     "A boom box," I stated, holding it up for both of us to see better. It was an old fashioned boom box. It wasn't a big one like people supposedly used to carry on their shoulders, yet it was bigger than a common household radio. It seemed like a portable one, made to be traveled with. I frowned at the mark the bike had left along one side.
     "I'll fix it up for you if you want," Party offered. I smiled holding it out to him. He took it and put it over by his Mousekat helmet.  He took my helmet and his own and replaced them as I righted Kobra's bike. Then we both entered the diner, rain still pouring outside.
     Kobra was at the window when we stepped inside. When he turned and saw us, hidden relief could be seen on his face. "I was beginning to worry you'd been caught in the storm," Kobra said.
     "Almost," I chuckled, stepping back towards my room with a yawn. Party stayed in the dining area with Kobra. I could hear them talking faintly, but didn't stay and listen. Not at first. It wasn't until I reached the end of the hall that I realized I hadn't thanked Party for the day out. I felt impolite. My parents had made sure I was raised with manners. As I marched back towards the dining room to correct my mistake, their hushed voices grew louder.
     "You've got to let go of it, Party," Kobra said, "You're going to be very unhappy the rest of your life if you hold on to little things."
     "It wasn't a little thing!" Party hissed back.
     "Is this any smaller?" Kobra retorted. Party was silent. I wasn't sure what they were talking about. "What did you tell her?" he asked gently.
     "I can't let myself fall in love again.." he muttered. By the way his voice got quieter, I could tell he was looking out the window. I heard one of them sigh.
     "Party, I don't know why you think its such a risk. You know better what to do now. How to keep people safe. You've saved each of us in the past. You saved Sonik just now from the possibility of acid rain. You don't need to be afraid of that," Kobra told him.
     "It makes you weak," Party growled, "Love makes you weak and I can't afford that. Because if I let myself fall again and something happened to any of you, I would never forgive myself." I could hear Kobra's frustration.
     "It makes you stronger," Kobra countered, sounding annoyed, "When you love something, you have more reason to keep it safe. I know that's why you protect us so well, because you care. That's why I worry about you. Because I care," he stated, "That's why Sonik became a Killjoy, remember?"
     There was silence in the room. "Her parents died. And she loved them. But losing them made her this strong person she is now," Kobra said softly, "Losing Lindsey made you the strong person you are now. You just can't see it. That's just how it works."
     I could hear a chair shuffling and someone standing. With that, I hurried back to my room so they didn't know I was eavesdropping. I sat down at my desk. It was 7:02 pm, and I didn't want to sleep. I closed my eyes for a moment, but my mind was consumed with memories of kissing Party Poison. I snapped my eyes open.
     "I'm only going to regret thinking about it," I muttered to myself. I looked down at the drawings that still sat on my desk from this morning. They stared back. I frowned at them, trying to piece them together.
     That was where I was when I woke up the next morning. I didn't remember drawing or writing anymore, but I must have done something last night. There was a pencil in my hand and at its tip was the face of a child.
     I rubbed my eyes, trying to figure out how I had drawn a face I'd never seen before. "What is going on?" I grumbled, getting up and holding my head. The wake up call had not sounded, but I didn't wait for it. I opened my door and walked into the dining room. No one was there.
     I hugged my knees in one of the booths and imagined what it would be like if BL/Ind didn't exist. If Owen wasn't dead. If Party either still had Lindsey or allowed himself to love again. If I wasn't having strange, reoccurring dreams about people I'd never met. I closed my eyes, images of yesterday afternoon still played out faintly behind them. When I opened them again, the sun was just up above the ground. It was only around 7 am and I suddenly felt a little homesick.
     This was my third day on my own. I didn't think I'd miss that boring little life so much. I'd never done anything worth while in the time that I lived there, and yet I found myself wishing it hadn't ended. My thoughts were interrupted when Party Poison entered the room. He glanced at me and smirked.
     "What are you doing there? You know you've got a whole two hours before the wake up call, right?" he mused, stretching. I watched as he did this but said nothing. When he had finished, I turned back to look out the window, silently. The way the sun was slowly rising made me feel like a character from Star Wars. He didn't say anything either, but he came over to join me.
     He sat in the booth opposite me, one arm stretched across the back of the seat, and the other resting on the table. I could feel his gaze, but didn't mention it. I didn't have my jacket on, and the camisole revealed my bare arms. I'd forgotten about the bandage that covered the burn on my arm. He brought one hand to his lips, as if in thought.
     "How's your arm?" he asked. I looked back at him and then at my arm.
     "I don't know, it feels normal, so I'm assuming it's better," I told him. He motioned for me to come closer, so I tilted my arm in such a way that he could unwrap the bandage.
     I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to prevent images of yesterday from surfacing whenever his fingertips brushed my skin. It must have looked like I was in pain, because he asked, "Does that hurt?" I opened my eyes again. He looked as though he was trying to hide his worry, though he was failing. I shook my head. He nodded, letting out a breath of relief as he continued.
     When the bandage was all off, there was a hand-shaped scar seared into my skin. I grimaced at it. "I don't like it," I said simply, "I'm going to have to get a tattoo to cover it up!" I joked. As we had discussed yesterday, I was afraid of sharp things, needles included. I traced along the outline of it and shook my head. "Miracle stuff, that coolant cream."
     "Yeah. It works wonders," Party agreed. We sat there, both of us leaning on the table, staring at each other. Silence prevailed and I let out an embarrassed breath, turning away. I stared out the window as a large black bird flew through the sky. I shut my eyes for a moment, counting in my head, though I wasn't sure why. I heard Party suck in some air when he followed my gaze. When the black bird disappeared toward Battery City, he exhaled. I, too,  let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
     "Instinct," he said. I opened my eyes and looked over at him, curious. He didn't look at me. "It's instinct to follow the old superstitions. At least for Kobra and me." His eyes wandered over and he turned to face me. "In the time of Destroya, a black bird was bad omen. It was said that if you hold your breath, close your eyes, and count to seventeen, the black bird would not notice you and you would not encounter evil," he explained.
     "Hold your breath when a blackbird flies, count to seventeen and close your eyes, and I'll keep you safe," I recited, remembering some dreams I'd had after the underground shelter. I'd always thought they were just nonsense. Party sat up and stared at me.
     "You know the superstition?" he asked me. I shrugged and nodded. "What others do you know?"
     "Um," I started, "There were beliefs of a spirit woman who would guide the lost souls. Her knocking sounds would indicate that everything was safe. So the superstition goes 'if you knock three times, the spirit woman will hear you and open the door' which, from what I understand, roughly translates to 'knock three times and you will be protected'."
     Party gaped at me. "The Pheonix Witch! How do you know these? You can't possibly! We didn't even start believing in Destroya until we ran away from Battery City," he exclaimed. I threw my hands to either side of my head.
     "Listen, I believe there is some god, but I don't know what. I don't know anything about any Destroya besides what I've heard. I only know this stuff because they were in some crazy dreams I had after the apocalypse. Don't freak out on me!" I defended. He caught my hand and held it tight. I could feel the blush on my face the moment he did so, but we both ignored it.
     "Do you ever think those weird dreams you have might mean something?" he asked all mystically. I smirked at him and shook my head. He smiled a little but stayed silent. We sat there for a moment like that, his hands holding one of mine like he was about to propose.
     "Can I have my hand back, Party?" I requested quietly. His expression of contentment was replaced with one of embarrassment as he let go of my hand and put his own in his lap. I smiled and shook my head, sliding out of the booth. His eyes followed me as if to ask where I was going, but I ignored it. I wanted to get out of there before I felt the uncontrollable urge to re-enact yesterday.