Rebellious

Chapter 20

Two weeks later - Jessa laid in her bed, her laptop on her legs as she searched for adoption places online. The sites were mainly geared toward happy families who for whatever reason couldn't have a child of their own and were looking to adopt. The bright and cheery websites were enough to make her nauseous. Jessa couldn't even entertain the thought of having two babies in the house and yet, Beth was being rather persistent on her keeping the child. Jessa just couldn't see loving and caring for a baby who will never know its Father and who came out of a bad situation.

Jessa heard a light knock on the door, "Come in." She almost smiled when she saw Sal. "Hi..."

"Hey, sorry I came by unannounced. I wanted to talk to you." Sal said, sitting on the edge of her bed.

Jessa quickly shut her laptop and moved it off of her. "Then talk." She looked at Sal, glad he came over to visit so it would distract her from Isabella crying downstairs, no one in the house had gotten any sleep since Izzy, Jessa's nickname for the little munchkin, had come home from the hospital a few weeks prior.

"How are you feeling, you know - with everything?" Sal asked.

"A little scared. Sal... Can I ask you something?" Jessa sighed feeling a bit awkward about what she was about to ask him.

"Sure Jessa, You can ask me anything you know that." Sal nodded.

Jessa bit her lip, and sighed. "Okay. Hypothetically speaking, if you were a girl and you got pregnant and couldn't remember who the Father was.... What would you do?"

"Well, first; I'd remind myself that something beautiful can come out of a tough situation. And second; if it were me I think I would still keep the baby. Only because I don't want to think about giving that baby to a family who could potentially hurt it. I know that I'll love the baby regardless since it is still a part of me even though I don't know who the real Father was, I may not have a lot of money or the finest job in the world but I'll know that that baby is safe with me than with some random family I don't know and who might hurt the baby or treat it badly." Sal told her. "Why?" He questioned. "You're thinking about adoption?"

Jessa sighed. This is the first time she and Sal had really talked in a really long time and it felt good. She missed him. "I think so. Beth wants me to keep it, but I don't know what to do. I sit here and I hear Izzy crying all the time, wanting this or that and then when Beth finally gets her down for her nap but there's so much else that still needs to be done around the house and Beth hardly gets a moments peace to herself. I don't know if I'm up for all that. I don't think I can handle that on my own, especially without anyone's help."

"Beth does it every day without Brian. He's a mess over this but she's resilient not to let him back into her life. If she can do it I think you can too." Sal spoke supportively.

"Yeah, I have no idea how she does it honestly and I'm not so sure I'm ready to deal with stinky diapers, spit up, even more sleepless nights than what I deal with now, missing out on relaxing showers, not to mention the zombie, half dead look Beth wears everyday wouldn't look good on me." Jessa chuckled causing Sal to frown.

"You're stronger than you think, Jessa." Sal told her in a serious tone.

"I don't know Sal, not for that... I'm not ready to care for another life, I can barely take care of myself and I just got into AA meetings to stay clean." Jessa said, biting her lip. She felt her lip quiver and felt stupid for starting to cry.

"Hey, hey... It's okay." Sal said, moving closer and hugging her. "It's going to be alright. Look you started the meetings for a reason, to get clean for the baby. That proves my point that you are stronger than you think and can raise this baby alone." He rubbed her back.