What If I Say No?

Here We Go Again

Then after a week again. I really didn't do anything. I didn't still go to see her. I still didn't do any effort and I didn't also message her. Wow. Great. I'm so proud of myself. I'm still doing what I want.

Then suddenly, here we go again. She pmed but I am still blocked by her official account, she's still using her boyfriend's account. Anxiety attacks again. What's your problem? Just please let me go! Let me enjoy my own life without you! I didn't born from my mother's womb to fix your sadness! Am I your medicine? Ohh gosh, if only you know. You become my nightmare. I remember you said, in the future you want the two of us to live to an apartment. My gosh! That idea makes me anxious. I dreamed to have my own house that I am the only one who lives there, no one else. Ok back to the main topic. Yep, she pmed.

Her: "What's with those tweets? You seem to be very happy. All the shit you and your bestfriends do together. Very nice. While you let our friendship slip out without doing anything."

Yes, dude. I'm actually happy without you. Can't you see? So let me be. I didn't do anything? Ohh shut up. I choose to do nothing. You're just acting like you're a big loss. Lol. Stop stalking me. You blocked me, then you'll stalk me using another account? Ohh please stop making yourself look pathetic. That's sad. I could cry.

But this is what I really said: "So what do you want me to do?"

Her: "Wow. You really wanna know? You're now being hostile answering me. I'm the one who taught you that."

Ohh wow. Bitch please.

Me: "So what do you want me to say then?"

Her: "And where are the things that you said you will make an effort to see me?"

Me: "You blocked me, then after that you outburst. You're like staying away. I don't know what's your problem."

Ohh I'm acting like I don't really know but I actually know. Sorry. Yayks.

Her: "Did you put all of it in vain now? I'm fighting you and staying away? I didn't do that. I'm waiting for what you said that "you will still make an effort to see me". So you really want this to end? After all this time that we're friends. After what I did for our friendship?"

Me: "So you really want me to talk to you in person?"

Her: "Jen. I dont think you want to talk to me.

I don't know if she's really being sad or just making me pity her so I would actually make an effort. Here we go again. Am I being stupid? Am I being bad? Tsk. Why did our friendship get this way? It is both making me sad and annoyed too. I just want to get away from this!

Me: "What if we will talk about this tomorrow? I'll confess something."

Oh my gosh. Now my brain is getting loud.

This is what my Superego says:

YOU ACTUALLY SET A DATE!? TOMORROW!? WHAT!? Hey Jen!? Are you out of your mind!? Are you now going to tell her the truth? Are you sure? You would actually broke her. She's already sad because you didn't do anything to make your friendship work out. Then now you're planning to say that you're giving up? You will make her sad even more.

This is what my Id says:

Go Jen. You're doing right! Spill the truth! Tell her she's so insensitive making you like her slave. You're the one who should stop making yourself look pathetic. You're you! Not the person what she wants you to be! Common girl! Be tough! Stop being so soft and emphatic! She's just manipulating you! You really don't want to see her again right? And you're actually fed up about your friendship. So it's now your time to do it! She's always being a bitch. Activate your defense mechanism!