Wattpad Chat (@WolfGirl_170) [OLD, FINISHED]

What's wrong with me?

I don't know why I'm alive. Heck,I'm not even sure how I am still alive. Considering there were a lot of people who wanted me dead and many still do.  But every time they get the chance to kill me, they get stopped by one of my friends or family members. I don't see why my loved ones go through all the trouble just to help me or protect me or save me. I'm not worth saving, but they won't listen either way. They tell me I'm special, that I didn't deserve the cruel punishments my past holders gave me or that other kwamies didn't have the right to pick on me or beat me up just for fun. But honestly, I highly disagree with them. Every punishment my past holders gave me, all the times I was beaten up for fun, I deserved it. They had their reasons for the things they did. Sure it hurted, but I could care less. They were just putting me in my place, and my place is a very low one. But truth be told, I still loved my past holders. All of them, even if they did abused me, I still loved them.

And no matter how many times my loved ones try to convince me to think otherwise of myself, it never works...and it'll never will. My mind has been set for a long time, therefore my loved ones are just wasting their time trying to convince me. Besides, the only reason why they tell me all those things is because they're just trying to be nice. It's not like I don't appreciate what they do for me, because I do but I don't like it when they go through so much trouble just  for me. There have been times when I try to run away or try to end my life, but I always get stopped by them. But I know if they would just let me end my life or just let me run away, their lives would be better.

And I've tried to be a better person because I've noticed that being myself just makes things worse. I've tried to be a better friend, a better sister, a better mother, a better daughter, and a better wife. But no matter how much a I try, I just keep on being me. The one that brings trouble and suffering to my loved ones. And I'm tired of making the ones I love suffer. It hurts me as much as it hurts them. Knowing I can't help them, hurts me. But I can't seem to do anything right. Therefore, these are my questions:

Why do you help me?
Why do you care for me?
Why are you always there for me?
What did I ever do in this world that makes you think I'm so special and powerful?
Why am I even alive?
Why won't you let me die?
How can you think of me as your pride and joy when you know I'm a disgrace?
How can you be friends with someone as useless and pathetic as me?

......How can you even love me?

@OceanFury
@Ray
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