Innocence Of Him

C41|Notes

방탄 소년단,

Well, there isn't much to say. For those who don't know, I was possessed by the devil. He would enter my mind every now and then, causing me painful headaches and making me do things. One of the things he has made me do was go through with committing a crime with Namjoon hyung(sorry hyung :)). I also used to drink, as a way to forget my depression and the devil's doings. I usually would drink anything. Jungkook stopped me drinking, which I am grateful for. Also I had depression for quite a while, and it escalated very, very quickly as you can now see. I've never talked about my mum with anyone. It's because my dad used to abuse her like he did to my sister, but more mentally. My mum developed self hate and depression and took her own life.

Everyone's message is in this letter. I wish for each member's section to be cut, and I don't want anyone showing anyone else what I have said. Therefore each person keeps their message to themself.

*There's an extra bit for ARMY to be read by Namjoon hyung on V live:)

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전 정국

Kookie I'm so sorry things couldn't have ended better for me. You're probably really upset, but please don't be scarred by my permanent absence.

Thank you for the 'Kookie' ice cream(I will ways remember that), the hugs- just everything. You have been a blessing and I wish I wasn't like this so I could stay with you forever, because you're the only person I would want to stay with. No one else can be compared to you, you just lit up my life from the very start. Your hugs and kisses were unique and made me feel special, unlike anyone on this planet could.

Rememember, I think your perfect, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, I remember you were telling me you were going through slight self hate. Your hair is always perfect, however you style it. It always suits you in a way that was so different that it could never suit anyone else. Your round eyes are so unbelievably beautiful. Just, don't hate yourself, please, or it will lead you down the wrong path. You have a funny personality, and it's always hilarious when you tease the hyungs.

You always made me feel happy whenever possible, which I know was rare, but I can't describe how happy you made me on paper. It just seems impossible.

Promise me that you will take your pills, even if they don't make you feel better at the start.

I will always love you, wherever I am or will be.

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박 지민

Hyung, I apologize for affecting you so much. I should've kept in mind your emotions can always be triggered very easily, and tried to actually try and do something about myself. I was just so under the weather all of the time, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Thank you for being there when you could, not just for me but for the group as well. I will always appreciate

I have quite a few confessions to make.

Honestly, I did get jealous for a while when Jungkook developed the new nickname 'ChimChim' for you. I would overthink that word and always come to the false conclusion that you and Jungkook would be closer than I was with him. I would then feel a bit worthless, but all of that was my fault. After I let it get to me, I just let it go, and I let Jungkook call you by your nickname in my presence. By then I had already accepted my worthlessness, but it wasn't all because of the nickname, so don't worry.

Also, in the start, I liked you AND Jungkook, surprisingly you more than him. Well I never knew for sure if you were more appealing than he was, because I felt like I could do anything with you, whereas I was quite shy around the younger. Once I wrote Jungkook a letter explaining my feelings, it turned out he felt the same way, and my feelings for you went. Although when I came home after I overdosed, when I held your hand accidentally the feelings came rushing back. I guess I always wanted to make that kind of contact. It was buried very deep down, and just came swiftly back up in half a second. Why am I so confusing when it comes to this stuff?