Oak Grove Institution - Jay Halstead FanFic

CHAPTER 7

My Time To Die

Ryan stops the car on the opposite side of the road to the secret entrance I use and turns to look at me.

"I think this is the last time I'm going to see you." I say, genuinely sad about this fact.

"No it's not." He replies confidently.

"It is," I nod. "And it's okay. Today was my last chance to make them happy and I blew it. I'm ready to end this and move on to something different."

"Ellen, I'm going to see you tomorrow in my office for counselling and--" I stop him from talking by shaking my head.

"They're going to kill me, and it's okay."

"It's not okay. Nothing is okay, nothing. Who is they?" He raises his eyebrows, "who are they? Let me stop them, let me help."

"Ryan," I turn his head to look at me again when he turns away from me. "There's this quote, from my favourite book; 'it doesn't matter who hurt you, or who broke you down, what matters is who made you smile again'." I recount the quote, "that's been you. You've made me smile. When I'm with you, I feel safe from all the things that hurt me."

This time he leans towards me and closes the gap, kissing my lips softly but passionately and I don't want him to leave me... ever. He knots his fingers in my hair and I pull him closer by clenching his shirt in my fist. We break apart a little bit out of breath.

"Thank you," I say, "for letting me feel real love."

I climb out of the car and start walking towards the entrance.

"Ellen, wait."

I don't wait as Ryan gets out of his car as well.

"Ellen, stop."

I don't stop as he tries to follow me.

"Ellen, I have something to tell you. I haven--"

I allow myself entrance by swiping my card through the reader and shut the door on Ryan so that he can't get in after me without his card. But staff have to leave them at reception when they leave so that they can't allow students exit (not that the idea works).

The room is dark but I can hear them breathing.

"I warned you." Victors voice says and then a punch gets thrown at my face. I endure the punches and don't fight back for what seems like forever until they end and the clinking of a belt buckle can be heard. I'm flipped over and suddenly my back is whipped hard and I'm screaming in pain. I can taste the metallic-ness of blood in my mouth until nothing more comes.

My eye-lids are heavy and I'm finding it hard to keep them open and remain conscious. The only thing I'm sure of is that my sister is suddenly present and she's begging Victor to stop. She's negotiating. I don't know. I can't hear. I can't see.

I black out.

*

I wake up alone in a white room with soft walls and floors with nothing else inside. A tiny window with bars across it at the top of the wall tells me that it's early morning from the color of the sky and I have seen a nurse without realising because I have bandages covering my body.

My back is stinging, my wrists are tender and my face aches. I can see a glimpse of black beneath my eye and my skin feels swollen and sore.

I'm black and blue all over. I feel like I've been beaten to a pulp.

I sit for a long time by myself with my own thoughts and nothing else to comfort me. I feel as though I'm eating myself alive. The sentence; "I have all the time in the world for you." won't stop circulating and my confessions I admitted to Ryan won't stop haunting me.

I can't sleep without waking up with a jolt of fear and I can't sit and think without breaking down in tears.

I'm sat alone all day and the sky turns dark again so I lay on the floor trying my hardest to think of happy thoughts.

I repeat this for four days and four nights having food and drink posted through a large letterbox type hole in the door before finally on the fifth day I'm released. "You're required in counselling." The nurse tells me after she's checked me over.

My body still aches but the bruising has gone down a lot and I can move easier now. I make my way up to counselling and stand outside of Ryan's door for a while before I find the courage to knock.

For some reason I feel stupid and childish and I feel like I can't talk to him.

I rap on the wood and hear a distant voice say "come in." so I open the door.

Ryan looks up from his desk and see's me standing here awkwardly. I close the door and take a single step forward. He gets up and rushes over pulling me to him and I melt into the hug. I begin to cry into his top and sink to the floor. He bends down with me and doesn't let go, holding me to him while I sob, little screams of pain and upset escaping from inside.

"Hey," he whispers, "hey, sh, you're okay now. I'm here. I've got you. I've got you."

"I feel like all I do is cry when I'm around you." I admit and he smiles weakly.

"It's okay."

"Don't let me go." I find my self saying and he looks down at me pulling me closer.

"Never." He promises and kisses the top of my head. "What happened?"

"They tried to kill me like I knew they would," I begin and he stands us up moving us over to the couch instead of remaining on the floor. "I heard Elsa come in. They were talking but I couldn't hear what they were saying. The next thing I know I'm in the isolation room, alone for days on end. No one came to see me."

"I tried. I really did. They wouldn't let me in." He says and I nod in understanding. He tried. That's more than I could ever ask for.

"I want to thank you for everything you've done for me." I look into his eyes with the utmost genuinity.

"You don't have to thank me," he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ticket handing it to me. I look down at it and read what's written. It's a train ticket to Los Angeles. "I love listening to you talk and I want you to know that you can always talk to me. Anytime."

"You don't want anything for this?" I ask, looking at the ticket. I know by now that he doesn't want sexual favors but he must want something.

"I want you to be happy," he says but I know there's something else, "and I want you to tell me about Alex."

Instantly my eyes well up with tears and a lump forms in my throat.