Grudges - Joshler

17

Nothing really changes in the end; Josh still mostly stays with Rami, getting his fix every night to stop himself from going crazy. Tyler still cries a lot over life, debating why the hell he's still in school when he'd rather be doing other things. And Brendon is still learning how to deal with all this fucking drama.

It's finals week and when Brendon does see Josh (who is on his way to one of his music finals), he can't help the irritated sigh that passes his lips.

"You're seriously going to your finals high?" Brendon watches him turn around, a slow smirk spreading wide on his face. "You're going to fail, man."

"Ah, but see, that's what you and your big brain are good for, buddy!" He slings an arm across Brendon's shoulders with ease. "Why should I pass when you can do that for me?"

And then, just like that, he boops Brendon on the nose and starts walking away to flunk his final. Brendon watches him with the most flabbergasted look a person can pull, turning and walking the opposite direction.

"Fucking asshole."

(In the end, Brendon does end up hacking the schools system to make Josh pass his classes. He doesn't give him a fucking 4.0 GPA, but it's better than what he had once he's done.)

Tyler on the other hand doesn't have any intention of failing. He studies all day and all night for like, a week, surviving only on redbull because he couldn't stomach food due to the stress. He couldn't lose his scholarship, he just couldn't. He knows the privilege he has, what with most his education being already paid for him while most people created debts for themselves simply by attending school. He knew how lucky he was and he wasn't going to take it for granted.

So, he doesn't. He goes to every exam prepared, having created review guides and questions to test himself in every subject and so on.

He feels confident as he leaves each final, but as he finishes his last one, this feeling of absolute dread takes over him as he walks back to his dorm. Maybe not dread exactly, but some sort of hollow, emptiness in the pit of his stomach.

The thought of going back home for a month (until January anyway) almost makes him sick in itself.

It's funny because all three of these boys are in completely different situations and yet at that very moment all of them were thinking the same thing.

What the fuck am I going to do now?

---

Josh passes out a few days later.

It's nothing serious, not really, he just overestimated the amount of lines he took and his brain was going crazy and his heartbeat was way too fast. One thing led to another and apparently his body was weak as hell so when he reached his dorm, everything had just sort of gone black.

The sun was just beginning to rise when he had made his way over to his dorm and when he's shaken awake a few hours later by a frantic Brendon, mutters of Oh God, please be okay, please be okay, fuck, Josh wake up reaching his ears, he realizes how he fucked up big time.

"I'm fine," He groans and Brendon looks like he may cry. "Seriously, Bren, I'm good."

He tries to stand but fails miserably, his legs beginning to give out as soon as he's on his feet. Brendon catches him, wrapping an arm around his waist and slinging the other one around his shoulders. He watches Josh, waiting for him to give him a signal to move.

It feels as though his chest is closing in on him and he knows this feeling too well by now, his panic attacks had become second nature to him. He starts doing his breathing exercises, taking a deep breath in and counting to 3 slowly before letting it out. It takes him a couple of minutes to come back to himself and Brendon doesn't rush him at all throughout the entire thing.