Secrets I Whisper to the Stars at Night

This Is Me

This is me.

The girl who smiles and laughs even when she's feeling dead inside. Even when she feels pain inside, still she smiles. Her smiles are her masks and she wears them with pride.

The girl who gets lost in books. The characters in every book she reads are a part of her. She drowns herself in the words; she is lost in different worlds because for her, fiction is better than reality.

The girl who is called by many names. She was called as a loner, as a disappointment, as a writer, as a nerd, as fat, as not beautiful, and as nothing.

The girl who has no voice. She knows this because for her, she is a writer, not a speaker. Give her a pen and paper and in result, you have beautifully weaved words.

The girl who gets jealous. She knows she is selfish. She wants her things to be only hers. She wants the people she loves to be only just hers. But can you blame her? She was robbed with many things that she is already traumatic.

The girl who hides in the darkness. She hides her feelings because if they are out in the open, she will be vulnerable. She wants to be a stone, not water.

The girl who cries silently. Some say that the silent tears hold the most pain. She agrees. She only cries when it's really needed and when being too strong hurts.

The girl who fades in the background. You will never see her until you look closely. You will never feel her until you touch her.

The girl who will push you away until you will get tired and will never come back. She is always there for you, but you will leave her when you find someone more interesting. For her, it's better for her to be the one who will give the push rather than you.

The girl who doesn't believe in forever. Many people will say that she's just bitter. But how can she believe in something that vast and grand? How can she believe when even her own parents didn't last?

The girl who understands and unravels the world bit by bit. Now that she understands, the world lost its shine in her eyes.

The girl who overthinks everything. She will analyse everything down to the last bit.

I am many things. Maybe, in another life I would be the girl who has many friends, who has a complete family, who loves herself, who believes in the concept of forever and who believes everything is good. But no, I'm not that kind of girl. I'm a grenade, I'm a thorn and I'm a sculpted ice. Think twice before you want to go deeper.

*Inspired by a true story: my OWN story. LOL*