Piece

∽ choice ∽

I groan through my hoarse throat at the laser sunlight that is aimed directly to my face. Trying my best to block it, I scoot to the right and pull the sheets closer to my body. I smile at the comfortable feeling of the unusually soft fabric of my bed, mom must have bought me a new one yesterday.

For the first time in months, I could actually admit that I feel good. That in my sleep, I could spare a smile. No shadowed frown. No obligatory "Yes" to the "Are you okay?". Just pure contentment. I let out a sigh and let myself have some more of this longed peace. However, that peace just got jinxed when my senses seemed to take on from a wolf. I couldn't tell if it was really happening or if I was just having a really weird dream. Faint whispers and blurry figures cloud my mind like a static. The buzz of seemingly wild flies swarm in every inch of my nerves-making my body twitch. I try to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that is building up on my stomach as I push myself deeper into the duvet. As I dig myself deeper into the sheets, more memories paint my brain. I see pitch black with my closed eyes but the inevitable darkness in my sleep now has two tangled figures and faint cries. My body twists in ache as the flood of memories run down on me while the unsettling ache on my stomache starts to rise.

In no time, I found myself in the bathroom-holding at the edge of the bowl and draining the remnants of what I have taken last night. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and lean on the wall as I try to get my vision straight. I look down at my figure and realize that I wasn't wearing my usual pink patterned pajamas. What's even more odd is that I don't recognize the bathroom floor. I have lived in this house for 20 years to know which dirt is in what tile of this bathroom and this...this feels strange.

I quirk my head up and take in my surroundings. I released a yelp when I ascertained myself that this isn't my bathroom in the first place. I look around-still confused about what's happening. Exquisite black and white royalty patterns wrap the bathroom and famous brands for men are all lined up neatly on the sink. The towels and clothes seemed untouched as I graze my finger over them.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and take in my sight. I notice the large grey shirt that I am wearing and clutch it slowly in between my palms-I don't even have to question it-I know this isn't mine. I let out a dreaded sigh and peek inside the shirt. "Why am I only wearing an underwear?"

Like a dying patient, I felt like I was defibrillated across the chest when memories of last night jolted every cell firing up in my brain. My knees buckled as I go down with it on the familiar coldness of the bathroom floor. In that moment, I knew that I am in deep trouble. I clutch my hair in my hands and tug at it harshly as my eyes start to gloss. I remember telling myself that I should try to live and let go for a night that I will surely remember because they will finally be a part of it-because he will finally be a part of it. Little did I know that I wouldn't just get a memorable night but something much more than what I'm willing to bargain for.

"What do I do?" I whimpered in between soft cries as I clutch my legs tighter to my chest. My eyes chose to wander and take in every single detail of the bathroom of the man that I have wanted for years and ask myself if it was worth it.

But I'm not stupid. I am not entirely clueless about what could happen next. About what could happen to me next. I cover my mouth to trap the loud whimpers of sorrow that tried to escape my lips and look down on my stomache. I caress it slowly as I think of what I might face because of a thoughtless night that I shared with a man that would surely not even remember my name in the morning.

Despite the harsh truth between what I am and what he is, I dwell my thoughts on Park Jimin and his dreams. His dreams that he so worked hard for. His dreams that he sacrificed for. His dreams that he starved himself for. As much as I want to embrace his worries out, I think that I could make it even worse if I stayed.