Piece

∽ you and i ∽

I don't hide the tears as I let every single tear drop in sync with the rain. Since this morning, the sky has been threatening me with its gloom. It's dark clouds wrapping every corner of the earth. It's breeze whip past me-instantly sending chills all over my body. When you think about it, it's kind of funny how it resembles me as of the moment. My whole journey going to Big Hit, I felt like a heavy cloud threatening to rain and when all the pain evaporated in me, I finally let it pour down.

My mind churns down every thought like a machine on fire. Flash backs of Jimin's hurtful words replay endlessly. His eyes, the way his eyes hold nothing more than disgust, anger and blame. His lips, the way his soft tender lips manage to speak such sharp words that could stab me to death. Him.. How could I possibly think of having him in my life? A child? Who would believe a young girl like me when I say that an idol got me pregnant? No one.

The wind blew past me every minute that I sit here in this bus station. Unmoving, I stare at the pale ground with my hands clutch on my stomach. I feel the pain from my tight grip but I don't let go. Right now, this child might me the only one I can hold on to. The only person who could accept me.

I've relished the thought of telling my mother about this. There's no point in keeping it, I have nothing. I am nothing. And being her daughter alone tells me that she won't forgive me for what I did. My parents' hardship in raising me is the purpose of my life. I want to give back as much as I can, I can't handle all that they've been through just to get me here. But knowing about this? My pregnancy? I don't think I have the heart to show my face anymore.

No words could explain how much I want this to end. How could I be the only one suffering? How could I be the only one to blame? I sit here looking so pathetic while I bid my dreams farewell. I am filled with shame and worry. I am ashamed of myself for not doing better, for not being better. I am worried. Not for myself but for this child that I carry. I know that I could beat my body to bones but it still won't be enough to give my child the future that I wanted. Thinking about it breaks my heart into a million more pieces and I let myself cry once again like a lost child left by the universe to ponder by herself.

"Eo-eo-eomma! ottoke??" I cry out with my hands on my face. People around me who are waiting for the bus are looking at me with concern but I didn't pay attention to them. "Mianhe eomma! I'm really sorry. Please, what should I do?" I cry out even more, this time covering my whole head from the world with arms. I crouch deeper into myself as each bus passes by and takes away the passengers.

Hours must've passed by spent in the waterfalls of my tears because my surroundings were almost pitch black if it weren't for the billboards and the signages of the buildings.

I must go home. I think to myself.

But I don't seem to have the energy to move. I look down at my hands and notice that it has become white from the cold. But I feel nothing. I only stare at the tips of my fingers with half opened eyes. At this moment, I feel like the whole world is spinning. The stiff bus stop sign seems to sway so fast in my eyes. I focus on the people looking down at me. It's weird how most of them move in slow motion. In a snap, my whole body collapses against the cold ground. The sound of honks from impatient drivers and the thumping of feet from hurried people filled my ears in the most distressing way. Keeping my eyes focused is also a challenge as I only see blurred figures and orbs of light in my sight.

Trying my best to get rid of the blur, I rub it with shaking hands as I force myself to sit up. With one trembling hand on the ground-aiding my knees and the other clasped on my stomach, I try to sit down. I didn't even make it to a kneeling position when my whole body decided to crash down on the cold ground. The blur abruptly turned to dizziness, that kind wherein everything else is in time lapse while I'm the only one laying still before everything turned black.