Piece

∽ question ∽

Jimin's P.O.V

The wind blows softly as I stand still on the cemented stairs of an infrastructure made of glass and more cement.  My breath fans with the wind as I steady my breathing while I bear the coldness of this newborn morning.

A question was asked to me while I was on my way here.  A question that I would've answered without any hesitation if I was a bit younger than I am now. It wasn't the words that left my manager's lips but the way he looked at me in the eyes.  His brows were raised as if it's lifting his worries to prevent it from coming down his lips. Preventing it from speaking something that he might end up saying in the future anyway. 

In that moment, I felt like I was challenged—like I need to prove something. Like I need them all to watch me do it.

"Are you really willing to sacrifice everything for this?" He asked.

I remember how I gulped as he looked at me straight to my soul.  I remember stuttering. I remember looking at the ground as I clench my fists. But I also remember how my lips curved. How my tongue clicked. How my eyes fiercely met his as I said Yes. 

The memory of my manager nodding as soon as he heard my answer is still fresh even in my subconscious. He patted my back and pull off a smile as he leads me to my new life.

I move past the soft pressure of the wind as I take one step at a time on the cemented stair of the company that would give path to my dreams.

And here I am, living it. 

Drops of sweat soaked my pillow as I raise my head and clutch it in between my hands.  I squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth as my fingers found its way on the roots of my hair—pulling hard in attempt to make the dream fade away. I wright in pain as I gasp for air and tears start to roll down my cheeks, soaking my bed now.

I did what I have always been doing when this happens. I count to three and pray with every single beat of the number that I wouldn't have to go on counting. That this would just stop as I count down the third number. 

"One.." More tears roll down my cheeks and my teeth scrape on each other.  I feel like my head would explode at any moment.

"Two.." I clutch my head tighter and curl myself into a smaller ball. 

"Three.." I gasp for air before my breathing becomes shallow by the second. It's gone but the tears still remain as it soaks my bed even more. Like a newborn child,  I tuck myself safely under the shield of the soft sheets of my ever inconsistent blanket.

It wasn't a nightmare,  I think to myself.  It was just a dream that I've been having lately.  I can't remember how it all started but I can vividly recall the determination that I got from it when I first had it.  I thought it was a way to pump me up, a reminder of how it all started when I made the choice.  As days pass by and weeks tick off, the dream won't stop.  Every night,  I would wake up feeling soaked in my own sweat and gasping for air. If that wasn't worse,  I have nights when the same question was echoing in my mind until dawn.  Like it was slowly whispering every word in my ear.