Castiel's Secret

Chapter 8

Blue eyes were clouded with tears, small pale hands flailed as the most beautiful wail escaped the small infant in its mother's arms. Castiel had just given birth to him, and all he wanted to do was hold the small infant in his arms for a little while because he knew, that soon the infant would forever seize to be a part of his life. He leaned forward and placed his shaky dry lips against the soft skin of the baby's forehead, before pulling away as he caressed the baby's cheek gently.

Castiel's eyes filled with adoration, love, and amazement. He couldn't help but let his eyes wonder over every inch of his baby's body. He wanted to remember this moment forever and remember him. He took hold of the baby's smaller hand, letting his lips place a kiss to them. He could feel his son's grace brush against his at every touch. The warmth of his grace was laced with an unexplainable energy that made the small child calm under his every touch and increase in warmth. His small attempt to shower the small child with as much attention as he could had served to calm the wailing infant.

Giving him up was the hardest decision he had to do, and he could only wish his arrival into the world would have been brought under different circumstances. Unfortunately, Lucifer was walking the earth and his baby would be in greater danger if he had remained with them. He was powerless against his brother, and he'd only be a fool if he tried. He wanted to believe so desperately that he could provide that safe haven for his baby but he couldn't deny the cold truth.

Sam had repeatedly told him to tell Dean about the baby he was carrying, that it was his right to know as the baby's father. But Castiel refused to do so. He appreciated what Sam was trying to pursue but he knew Dean was a righteous man. If he had known about their baby, he was sure Dean would have tried to juggle being both a hunter and a father once more. He knew the Winchester's valued family above all, and he just couldn't do that to Dean, nor to himself.

He was there those years ago when Dean was in the hospital with Lisa and he could remember the pain Dean went through trying to juggle being a Hunter and a family man. When Dean finally decided to let go of Lisa and Ben, he made an oath to never bring up his own kin into this world of supernatural. He remembered the pain he felt longing for a family, yet, not wanting one in guilt he'd constantly put them in danger. Dean wouldn't have wanted to neglect his son from a 'normal' childhood, like he and Sam were.

Castiel agreed fully, no mattered how much it pained him inside to let him go, he too didn't want this life for his baby. He wanted his baby to have a chance to grow up with the luxuries humans had, to choose, and grow up with free will. He didn't want his son's to live in a world where he was expected to carry this immense load of responsibility towards humanity like his father and uncle were. He also couldn't afford his own brothers and sisters knowing about him, in fear his life would be in danger or used against them in battle. He was just a baby, and Castiel believed he had so much to live for. He didn't want to 'cut his wings before he even got the chance to fly' as Sam had put it.

"Cas, Dean and Bobby will be back any minute now." Sam had said walked over to the angel and helped him up. He looked down at his nephew watching the baby yawn. "Can I hold him before you take him away?" Sam asked as he looked up at the baby then at Castiel and back. Castiel smiled meekly before handing the baby over to his uncle.

Sam smiled like an idiot as he held his nephew carefully in his arms and kissed his forehead, "Are you going to name him, Cas?" he asked as he looked up at the angel who was trying to find his balance on his own two feet. " Hieronim," Castiel said with a grunt as he took a few steps forward towards Sam. It pained the angel but he had to move even after such a short time after birth. "It means sacred," Castiel explained when he saw Sam give him a strange look. "Sacred? It's beautiful Cas." Sam said before he turned towards the window when he heard the loud familiar rumbling of the impala. Neither of them had to say anything, they knew this was goodbye. Sam handed the baby back to Castiel before watching him disappear with him just as he heard the front door open and his brother's loud raspy voice call out to him.