Raised From Hell

Chapter 4

AN: Hey guys! So first of all I want to say I'm sorry for updating so slowly. I also figured I should mention I'm from Australia, I've tried to make it sort of neutral so it doesn't actually say where its set if that makes sense...? Anyways enjoy and don't be a silent reader, comment!

FLASHBACK (Jace's POV)

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNNY!" My mother, Celine, shouted to me as I walk down the stairs into the kitchen. "Ugh. Don't remind me." I groan.

I knew it wasn't exactly normal for someone turning 11 to hate their birthday but this was different. It would be my first birthday ever without Clary. It was the longest time we had ever really spent apart and I just was not handling it well. Not to mention all the nightmares I had been having about Clary's father Valentine. I shudder at the sudden thought.

"I made you your favourite" mum says with a hint of concern in her voice, but when I look at her face, it's like there is a brick wall in between us.

She and I always had that in common. I don't say anything as I walk to my seat and pull a plate towards me. But as soon as I see what it is I smile and say thank you because I know how long it takes to cook chocolate pancakes to this perfection.

I am almost done with my breakfast when she starts to talk again. "Jace, your father and I have a surprise for you." I look up from my plate with a mouthful of food. I see her wringing her fingers together like she is nervous. I swallow my food before asking, "What is it?" not being able to hide the curiosity in my voice.

"Well Jace… now this is completely up to you but… well we were wondering if maybe you… uh… might have wanted to go see Clary today?" she asks cringing as she waits for a response, but before I can give her one she talks again. "But if you want to do it another day or not at all that's fine -" but I cut her off. "Mum that's the best birthday gift you could give me," I say honestly.

She sighs with relief. "Oh darling that's so good to hear." She tells me before coming around the bench to wrap me in a tight hug. After I wash my dishes I go back up to my room to get changed as my mum goes to tell my father my answer.

When I get to my room I realise just how worried my parents have been about me lately. All the sleepless nights they have had to put up with from my screams. The daring escapes out of my window to try to get to the police station so I can confess again to what I had done.

My parents were so worried they sent me to a therapist. Apparently my obsessive cleaning of my room was a completely normal way of dealing with stress. I had completely striped my room, so it was now plain white with no pictures on the walls, no extra ornaments and plain white bed cover. The truth was I wanted to get rid of anything that reminded me of Clary, and that girl was full of some of my favourite colours. My room before had been filled with green and red. But the green reminded me to much of those striking eyes and the red reminded me too much of her fiery red hair that completely matched her personality. She was too stubborn for her own good.

So I chucked it all. Every last bit of colour from my room was now in a dumpster out the back of our house. My parents had thought I had gone insane. They didn't really mind about me chucking perfectly good things. We had plenty of money and they were too afraid of what I might do if they didn't let me. God I was so selfish putting them under so much stress! But my thoughts had been too clouded for me to see how any of my actions would cause the people I love any emotions. So I knew as I left my room to go back downstairs, I was not only doing this for myself but for my parents to.

FLASHBACK OVER

Jace POV

"I don't really remember much after I left my room, I don't even remember my last conversation with my parents." I say sadly. "I have flashbacks sometimes. I remember the tipped over gas truck and then the car slamming into something else. I remember the smell of burned rubber and sound of cars skidding against the ground. I remember watching my parents bleed to death as the life was drained from their eyes. I remember hearing screaming. So much screaming. I was told later that I was the only one screaming because everyone else involved in the accident had died. I was the only one left." I finish quietly.

I look down at my hands as I feel a single tear slide down my cheek. I am brought out of my thoughts as I hear I muffled sob coming from the red head next to me. I turn towards her to see her trying to stifle her cries into her sleeve. When her eyes meet mine and she realizes she has been caught she jumps on me and wraps me into another hug. It's as if we are both using each other to hold ourselves together, and if we let go of our hug we will just fall apart.

I rest one arm around her waist as my other hand is cupping the back of her head. I rest my head on her shoulder with her hair surrounding us both, as she buries her own face into my chest. I can feel her body shake with silent tears as I try not to let my own shed.

Clary was, and still is the only person in the world I let myself show emotions in front of. But I don't think I would ever let my walls come all the way down. After a few minutes of silence I hear Clary's mumbled voice in my t-shirt. I don't want to let her go. I want to just stay like this forever, but I need to know what she said. So I pull back slightly but not enough to release her.

I lift her chin up so her green eyes can meet my own golden ones. "What did you say?" I ask gently. "I still don't understand why you couldn't come and see me." She says sadly with a small blush on her cheeks. I cup her small cheeks with both of my hands and wipe away her tears with my thumbs.

"Clary I thought about coming to see you so many times. Almost every day I thought about you no matter how hard I tried not to. But it was impossible. Every time I thought of going to see you, that day with my parents would pop up in my head and I just ended up too sad to leave the house. I would usually find some sort of liquor and get drunk until all rational thoughts would leave my mind. For the first few years I tried so hard to come and see you but then I would remember what I would have to tell you about my parents, about how it happened, about why…" I start to choke but I regain myself so I can go on.

"Like I told you I would often drink my problems away. But I also said all rational thoughts went with it. One night after a lot of booze I decided it would be a great idea to come to you while I was drunk so then I wouldn't have to remember your face when I told you. Of course you know I wasn't quiet that drunk yet otherwise I wouldn't have remembered it as I do. I stole my foster parent's car and drove to you. I nearly killed myself in the process mind you. But I did make it their without crashing. I don't remember what time it was but it was really late. I had stopped the car and was about to get out… but it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I basically had a mental breakdown and had to call my adoptive brother to come and get me. He and his mother are the only ones who know about you." I watch her the whole time while telling her this story. I watch the different emotion pass over her face until she settles on one last emotion. Exhaustion. "I'm so sorry Jace. All this time I was mad because I thought you didn't care about me after what had happened…" she doesn't get to finish as I pull her into a hug again. We stay like that for a while but with no tears this time. This time we are hugging each other for the pure joy of the feel of being in one another's arms again. "Don't you dare ever think that Clary!" I tell her. "I will never be able to stop caring about you."