Somewhere in the Middle

Dark and Deep

The music was all-encompassing. As it always was. It thrummed under Evie's feet, rattled through her chest, rippled through her hair and filled her ears and soul until all she could do was watch, all she could do was feel.

Jamie threw himself around on stage, almost like he didn't care where he'd end up or how he got there. Luke was standing beside Greg's drum kit, banging his head along to the beat Greg was pounding out as he plucked out a thumping bass line. And Travis was at his mic stand, shredding through a series of runs and licks like his hands weren't meant to move any other way.

The audience was enthralled, a sea of bodies moving like a rhythmic wave was rolling through them, and they could do nothing but let themselves get swept up in it.

And yet, Evie couldn't wait until it was all over.

Couldn't wait until the line that would form before her table dwindled down to the last two or three people. Couldn't wait until Luke came to join her, and help her pack everything up. Couldn't wait until everything was loaded on the bus. Couldn't wait until they got back to the hotel. Couldn't wait until everyone—even Luke—had fallen asleep.

Everyone but she and Jamie.

It was her little secret, the way she enjoyed being with him. The way she snuck out of her room at night and knocked on his door. The way he always smiled when he opened it, and stepped aside to let her in.

It wasn't like it meant anything. She and Luke were still great. Better than ever, really. And being with him made her feel strong. It made her feel beautiful and smart and intelligent and funny and everything she had ever wanted to be. She knew he loved her. Knew he would do anything for her. And she loved him just as much.

So, she should have been able to tell him. Should have been able to be honest and upfront and say that she and Jamie hung out sometimes. Late at night. After everyone else went to sleep. In his room. On his bed...

It just sounded wrong. It sounded like more than it was. And she knew Luke already wondered why she sent him out of her room each night. Why, even after they'd made love, she wanted him to get dressed and leave her alone to sleep.

He'd only sort of accepted it. He still tried to change her mind. And he was persistent enough that even after they'd just finished, even after he'd just left her body, she was letting him in again before she realized what was happening. Not that she minded. Quite the opposite, really. It almost worked. She almost gave in every time. Almost let him stay.

But she hadn't caved yet. It was enough that they were together each and every minute of every single day. She wanted the silence at nighttime. She craved the alone time. And sometimes, she craved the friendship she was kindling with Jamie.

Although, she never went to Jamie after nights like those. After the feel and smell of Luke was all over her. That would feel too strange. Too... wrong. No, she waited for the off nights. Waited for the nights when Luke was exhausted enough that he offered to go to his room early, kissing her quickly, or sometimes less quickly. More deeply. Enough to have everything stirring down below. But she let him go, eager to have the time with her other friend. One of Luke's best friends.

Evie wouldn't admit to herself that it was wrong. It wasn't like she was actively doing anything wrong. She and Jamie only talked. They both knew she was with Luke. That she loved Luke. She loved everything about their relationship and the way they were with one another.

But there was something missing. Some part of her she couldn't quite understand how to fill, nor why it was empty in the first place. All she knew was that when she was with Jamie, she didn't feel that emptiness quite so keenly.