getting through

the bible is your sword

i go towards the basement to find a gun holster that matches my super cool glove's.at least that's what i think it is?

i walk around the shelves of guns looking at everything when i find a box of knive's.i try to open it but its locked .of course. i pull out my old pocket knife and hit the transparent seeing glass with the handle.i flinch as it breaks for no reason .i was totally prepared for it breaking ...oh well.

i hear my mom call from upstairs.''what is that are you okay?!!''.''yes I'm fine ''i reply annoyingly.ever since the attack our relationship has been very strained.i don't hear her come downstairs while I'm looking at the knives.''Jesus didn't retort to violence when he laid on the cross you know'',she said while standing at the end of the stairs''you don't have to fight Athena your smart you can find another way out you just need to pray and have faith''.i look at her like she said the most absurd thing in history.i walk closer to her slowly''mom do i have to die for all these peoples sins''she looked at me not saying anything.''tell me mom tell me if i have to die for all these peoples sins''i say in an urgent stage whisper.''no you don't.. but we must be like him we must pray and have faith'' she said saying more to her self then to me.''you can pray but I'm gonna fight mom and all this Jesus crap I'm really starting to doubt it''.she stares at me jaw clenched.,''that was unnecessary Athena , this is not crap OK he has a reason he always does''she says scolding me.I'm enraged now ''tell me what his reason is mom tell me because i don't see it okay ! tell me his reason for causing people to commit these sins''.''he has a reason its a test Athena cant you see its a test on our faith and i will do whatever it takes to protect you from this-whatever this is''.

i pick up a knife and she looks at me helplessly''the bible is your sword Athena that's all you need ''.i find a holster on the other side of the room and another hand gun,''until the bible physically turns into a sword I'm keeping these''i walk upstairs brushing her shoulder .i run to my room--no not my room the girls room the girl that lived here this isn't mine there will be no possessions until this is over. don't get attached remain detached when you loose things it wont effect you this rode ahead is full of lose.I'm crying now i don't know why but i don't stop till i fall asleep.