Internal affairs

chapter 10

"I-i dont know i panicked and i couldnt breathe. All i could think is how was i so dumb"

She sighed, "it's not your fault John has a shitty life." She gasped, "that came out wring I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was, John has a lot of troubles in his family, and his mental health. He... he's broken, and it isn't your fault. He just had so much pain in his lifetime. I think he's just so used to it, he feels numb."

"But he never shared these feelings with me! I told him everything ! He knew i would have understood he knew about my childhood!" He know i cry during every storm" alex gasped and looked embarrassed

Eliza giggled and cleared her throat, "sorry." She mumbled quietly. She sighed, "he's really, really sensitive about his past. I don't think it's my place to tell you what happened to him, but he'll open up to you in time."

"Talking shit?" John appeared at the doorway.

"Oh. No i wasn't I was just saying that- oh for heavens sake I'm out of here good luck with him." She told Alex.

John looked at Alex and sighed, he sat down next to the hospital bed Alex was on.

"Hey 😢" alex whispered almost crying

"What did she tell you?" John looked at him. Eliza was right, you couldn't tell what he was thinking, what he was feeling. He couldn't express himself.

"She didnt tell me anything.. just like you.." alex turned around not able to face john. Alex curled up into a ball. At that moment he couldnt feel . His deepiest wish was to melt away and never return. He tried to cry but tears wouldnt find there way

"It's not the easiest thing to talk about."

"I know. Its fine,im fine..."

"But hey why not hm?" He said frustrated. "Alright let's just sum it all up here. My mother died when I was six years old. Great right? My father turned into an alcoholic and got anger issues! Lovely. He abused me almost every day while my siblings would just watch! I still have all of the scars! Wanna see?" He plastered an annoyed smile. "When I was nine, I got diagnosed with social anxiety and depression which I still can't seem to get out of!" [Pt.1]

"I DONT WANT TO KNLW THIS JOHN!" "You obviously dont trust me enough so just stop! " your not the only one WHO HAD A PRETTY FUCKING MESSED UP CHILD HOOD

"I take my anti-depressants but they don't seem to be working!" He laughed annoyed with himself. "When I was 12 I figured out my sexuality. Now, my father being extremely homophobic, when he found out, his abuse got worse! And would abuse me almost five times a day! He broke my nose, and one of my ribs when I was 13!" He smiled. "Now I moved out when I was 16 and got my own apartment in South Carolina. When I went off to college my father wanted me to take Law, but I refused." [Pt. 2]

"Instead I wanted to major in art and Marine Biology! He still doesn't know and he's probably going to fucking murder me when he finds out. There. Now you know about my childhood." He sighed.

"Like i said your not the only one with a fucked up child hood" alex cried out

"I know, we both have fucked up pasts." He sighed.

I lived with a pretty shitty father who got drunk everyday. When me and my mother got sick he laughed. My mother died from that sickness she died and i was in her arms. And the welp i got sent to move in with my cousin.  And whoops he commited suicide. Then i grew up on the streets till, yay a whole fuking huricane came and killed EVERYONE except a few select plp. my whole town was gone THE PLACE I GREW UP WASHED AWAY!  Then yay plp felt bad and sent me to america were i was beat up and shamed Because i was an immigrant Then oh yay i got taken in by abusive foster parents that forced me to work on there farm till i moved out

John sighed, "Alex, I know, you told me that night when the storm happened."

Alex stares out the window quietly crying

"I know, you've been through a lot. I have too."

"Hey hey hey," he turned Alex's chin to face him, "it's okay, you're okay. What matters now is that you're safe, and here with me alright darling?" He kissed his cheek and wiped his tears away with his thumb. "Don't cry, love. I hate to see you like this." For the first time in a while you could see and hear johns expression. He felt compassion, love.

"Thank you" alex whispered

"Of course. I love you, Alex." He held his hand.