I just want to wake up tomorrow again // DEH fanfic

catharsis // chapter 1

A/N: Yeah...

So I've never watched the musical itself, but I've read summaries, listened to the soundtrack and read fanfiction. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Connor's thoughts are in bold, and Evan's are in italic.

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"Connor?"

A small voice interrupted Connor's train of thought, knocking on the door. It couldn't be his mother; she was on a night shift. It couldn't be his father because he gave up on trying to understand Connor years ago. His sister Zoe was at school, and besides, she didn't give a fuck about him.

"Come in," He said, unsure of who it was. When he saw Evan's face, a variety of emotions boiled in his stomach. Why was Evan here? He wrote a creepy stalker letter about his sister and got him to almost kill himself. But although Evan had caused it, he prevented it. Because just by passing by Connor's bedroom window, Connor had hesitated; thus not drinking enough sleeping pills to put him to eternal sleep.

"Why are you here?" He asked, voice coming out more tense and angry than he expected. "I- I, uh, I brought- I got you f-flowers- not sure i-if you like flowers- I mean, y-you are still a-a-alive, but-" He stuttered, trying to piece together something.

"What kind of flowers are those?" He interrupted. The flowers looked peculiar; he had never seen them in their small town. Pearl white, very tiny and came in clusters like grapes on a vine. "Oh, uh, thi- this? It's baby's b-breath. My- uh, half-dad, I guess, h-has a s-small flower garden." Connor mused, staring at the flowers. So handpicked? Not some sort of cheap-fake-made-in-China shit that sold for 5 bucks?

'Didn't know Evan cared that much.'

"That's nice. Just leave them on the side table," He said, and Evan stiffly walked over next to his hospital bed. Evan pulled up a chair next to his bed, clutching the hem of his tight collared shirt, as if it would protect him from the outside world. "Now, why are you really here?"

"W-well, y-your parents told me, t-that since w-w-we just met the other day, I s-should visit you." He explained, losing a bit of the stutter. Connor scoffed and rolled his eyes. "So you just succumbed to what my parents wanted?" "N-No! I-, I also c-came because I wanted to..." He trailed off.

"I'm waiting Hansen."

"I'm sorry."

Connor deadpanned. His face was unreadable, and his stomach boiled once again with mixed emotions. Anger. Remorse. Pity. Confusion. Happiness? Why in the world would Evan Hansen apologize to the 'School Shooter' of this town?

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"I... T-that letter you r-read? The o-one with Zoe in it? That w-was actually a l-le-letter for my t-therapist. I-I'm sorry I confused you, and I'm... I-I'm just sorry."

'Therapist? Was Evan...'

"Therapist for what?" Connor was curious now. Could it possibly be that Evan wasn't so different from himself? "Social Anxiety. I- I t-think that's w-why I s-s-stutter."

Connor gulped before saying something. He'd never live it down if the school knew that the Connor Murphy had apologized.

"Then I'm sorry too."

"What?"

"I'm sorry I assumed and I didn't realize that the letter was important and if only I hadn't acted so impulsively." Evan was in shock. Connor could clearly see that his mouth was agape. "T-thank you..?" He said. "You and I, we aren't that different." Connor mumbled, audible enough for Evan to hear.