This is Us* Vol 1*

*Kyungsoo*

We had the happiest time together is what I could remember. He always smiled and he tried to hide his jealousy when we where young. I could say the same about myself, he was irresistible. 

 We became a WE when he finally asked me out the last year of highschool. At first I was scared and had no clue what to expect, and he had been my crush for 2 years so him to finally take notice was almost too good to be true. 

All it took was one date, many laughs together, and a lot of goofing around before we felt like we'd be with one another for a long time. Well, for however long highschool relationships usually lasted, we where young. 

I remember the question he asked me when we had been together for only a year, "Why are you with me?" and at first I felt it was weird for him to ask but I answered anyway. "You make me smile when nothing can," I said and his smile grew and we kissed. 

University life was the trial of if we lasted or not and we did. We made it, barely. I wanted to become a designer and he wanted to be a cook, not very intense or life challenging careers one would think.

 It is when he leaves for a year to go to a different country and when he gets back its your turn to leave. I remember the text he sent me on our anniversary. 

"Gone again Soomi?" 

It hurt to get that message. At one point I went to the restroom in the airplane and cried for what felt like hours because all I wanted to do was be in his arms. To hear his laugh and to listen to him talk for hours about his childhood or his friends that seemed to never leave him alone. The most of our twenties where filled with happiness and sadness but it was because we where challenged. We where being pulled both ways but never did we let go. 

"Kyungsoo! Stop! Kyungsoo!" I said to him when he started dancing to the music that played throughout our little apartment. "But why? Isn't this why your with me? My dance moves are what they call it...lit?" he says and smiles at me with his heart shaped lips. 

If we fast forward, where 31 and 32 years old. Living in the same apartment building since we where in college. I should have known something was up when he told me to dress fancy and meet him in a park in the beginning of winter. It was freezing! When I made it I cried, there stood the man I had a crush on and loved more then anything with both our families on his knee with the engagement ring. 

We got married the next spring. It was small and cozy just like we where. There was no need for overstatements or people we hadn't talked to since we where children, just us, family, close friends, and love. As we had fun that day celebrating at the reception I remember one of his friends making their way over, "Name your first born after me!" said Sehun with a smile. Although I really was against it I didn't want to crush his happy mood. So I obliged and even said he would be the child's Godfather, because he was Kyungsoo's closest pal and mine too. 

We would try for the next 5 years to have children till the doctors told us that because of me we would never have a child of our own. Adoption agencies told us that we would have to wait on a list with thousands of other eager couples till we got a baby. I'd go on to blame myself and he would be there to hug me when the baby we thought we had managed to receive left us again. "Soomi it's not your fault! We will have each other! I love you no matter what," Kyungsoo told me endlessly but all I wanted was to build a family for us. I knew Kyungsoo wanted to be a father just as much as I wanted to be a mother. 

When our friends began to have kids and when I saw pregnant women the sadness would wash over. I could go from being happy and excepting but once I was shown what we where missing out on the sadness would just return. For the rest of our 30's and into our 40's the arguing became gradually and gradually more till finally we almost called it quits but then he reminded me of the vows we took and of the love we had from start. "Soomi, I love you but please comeback to me. I barely see you laugh or smile anymore! It is just going to be us-just us two," from there on we did the things that we always wanted. We traveled, worked with charities, and took in two dogs. 

One thing I always loved was listening to Kyungsoo sing. He would be cooking and I'd hear him sing, he'd be showering and I'd hear his voice from the next room. It was both soothing and intoxicating. 

When we reached our 60's that was when we got visited again by the dark cloud. The doctors told us that Kyungsoo was sick, really sick. What we thought as a simple cold was actually worse, cancerous worse. All those days I cared for him and all the time we had left to spend with one another I cherished. When he laid in that bed and weakly smiled at me I fought to keep the tears from falling. I was watching the person I loved for 50 years die right before my eyes and there wasn't much we could do. 

"Why do...you love me?" he asked and reached for my hand. "Why?! It would take me another 50 years to explain why," I told him and he smiled, "Soomi, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I just was too scared to say till my friends lied to me and said you where moving," we both laughed and stared at each other. "I love you kyungie," I told him and he smiled and squeezed my hand. 

Kyungsoo passed that next winter. It was colder then ever. As I sat in our now cold and lifeless apartment I felt like I no longer had purpose, all I wanted was to be with him. Hug him and hear his voice I so much as loved. 

They say the best things in life aren't free. I agree, why would the love of my life give me the best years of my life and then vanish the next second. I will always love him, Do Kyungsoo, the boy with the soft heart lips, brown eyes, and voice that melted my heart. The man who loved me for me and dealt with problems thrown at us like they where walks in the park. 

To the man I love forever and ever. My Kyungsoo, I will always love and cherish you. To the next life.