This is Us* Vol 1*

*Minseok*

The first time I was showed what true love was I was just a child. Boys and girls at such young ages would say 'EW' or 'Cooties' but I found it charming.

 Charming to think that there was a Prince for everyone. I watched the Disney Princesses radiate with the happiness love had brought them, the kind of love that made you know that was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. When Belle danced with Prince Adam and looked at him with that loving gaze, when Aurora got flustered while dancing with Phillip, and how Mulan protected Shang. Those all created this mindset that when I was old enough I'd too find my Prince and I would give him that loving gaze, flustered attitude, and always protect him when he couldn't protect himself. This light in me started, the light that I would find my prince and that my life would change. 

Once I started growing up though, I forgot about my prince that was drifting out there somewhere. More "important" things came up like puberty, school, and boys. Thinking about ever finding my prince became silly in my mind, why would I get such a person? I wasn't pretty like the other girls, I was just me. So that light started to get dimmer and dimmer until finally thinking about my prince was forgotten. 

~Then one day he entered my life. ~

I knew when I looked at him that he was different, the way he smiled and the way his eyes glimmered in the light. That light he had was similar to the light that preoccupied most of my child years...and I fell. I learned what I could of this person, and I found out we shared similarities. 

Then his round cheeks became not round, and his once fluffy appearance wasn't fluffy. 

When I saw his transformation it hurt my heart, to see this beautiful human being under so much pressure. All I wanted to do was protect him, tell him he is handsome in my eyes, that he didn't have to listen to others. He was born unique for a reason. However, a wall separated me from him, so all I could do was feel the pain in my heart. He smiled in times of sadness or stress, to hug him and comfort was the only wish I had. 

When years of loving the same person pass it neither fades nor gets forgotten. It only gets stronger, but the pain of never being able to have them see you gets stronger too. I had thought of how the princesses where immediately noticed by their prince and I envied them. I grew angry and more sadness found its way into my heart because I felt I couldn't move. The love I carry in my heart is so heavy that nothing would relieve me, of what I thought was a curse at one point. What I once thought was charming and couldn't wait to feel became like a trap, unbearable, and heartbreaking. Did I think of letting go? Never, because if I let him go then my life would be unbalanced and full of confusion. He may not notice but his affect is strong and to think he could be forgotten in an instant was impossible. His brown eyes, his uneven smile, and the way his cheeks rose when he laughed had created this lock on my attraction. If I tried to have a crush on others he was all I thought about, comparing is a horrible thing to do but the others never measured up, not even close!

The way he pulled at his sleeves when he wore them and how he always had tissue when performing, because his sweat glands where enough to create a ocean. It was the little things I noticed. The little things that had me laugh and forget about that pain that follows. 

To see him smile and enjoy himself makes me happy. It's enough to turn the worst day into the brightest, all the hardships he encountered made me want to become stronger. He not only made me hooked but he taught me to enjoy the little things. To stay humble and to never stop showing love. To laugh and to care for others at all times. 

At my age to still believe in fairy tales is childish, I know.

That it looks cheesy, I know.

They say when you really love someone it makes you cheesy and believe in things that others would think is dumb or childish. When you find someone that is worth it though what others have to say isn't important. What matters is that person that you extremely care about is doing well and that they aren't being hurt. When they hurt you hurt.

In others eyes Xiumin or Kim Minseok may be just another guy that makes all the girls swoon and weak kneed. That's not even close to what he is in my eyes.

In my eyes he is this beautiful man that deserves so much love. He is worth more then anything else in this world. Trying to describe him is so hard because there aren't enough words to describe him. He makes my heart feel warm and he always crosses my mind at least twice a day. Is he ok? Is he taking care of himself? Is he happy?

Sometimes forgetting how my well-being is happens but at this point if he is happy so am I. My grasp may be strong but when he finds his right princess that is when my grasp will loosen. 

Earlier I said everyone has a Prince but now that I am older I have to at least be realistic. They might be your Prince but that doesn't mean you're their Princess. 

Don't think of it as dropping or distancing but respect. If you truly love them you will be happy to see them in love and admire the person that makes them smile that smile they gave you.

He will always stay the Prince in my world. He will forever be the first person I actually fell in love with. 

Kim Minseok is the Prince in my fairy tale, and that wont ever be changed. 

My love.