pepsi&mentos / bseph

seven

ーlemons

the plan is fucking cool, god damn foolproof--to the damn t, okay!?

but...three months?

that's so many days jseph can't even count them on their unnecessary amount of ripped jeans combined.

there was no way he was gonna be able to get matthew anywhere, if not off his ass first--because, to him, if the club isn't safe from cruel exes; nowhere is!

so he just won't get up.

which is why, for three months, he had to try to make a happy man out of pure pathetic sad giant matthew?

no way.

no fucking way was it even humanly possible.

which is definitely why, in his plan, he was gonna give small gifts and evetually take the giant out for the fun and persuade him that somin is not important anymore--then they'd be the best bros that are happy without girls to disturb them.

but, still, maTTHEW WILL NOT GET UP.

every day since the incident, matthew has been a salty mess that believes that even if he stands to get food, he'll fall...

which meant taehyung, being a good friend, was the one helping him to and fro; cooking for him, preparing random ass meals or outfits, cleaning up behind him then probably drunkenly cuddling with him--being the best housewife to have ever existed really.

every. single. day.

it was tiring, and annoying as flipping fuck--but a happy bro is a happy jseph.

...

...

...

but,

taehyung has just helped matthew get ready to shower.

and matthew is currently showering.

but, matthew barely lifted a finger, and he even folded the poor giant's boxers, and set out pajamas.

the kindness in jseph's heart has kinda died because this is getting way out of hand, and all he wants to do is talk some sense into matthew. again.

(though, to be honest, he really wants to smack the shit out of him.)

housewife?

more like mother at this point.

so taehyung marches into the bathroom and yanks the shower curtain away, coldly staring at his lifelong buddy in his utter nakedness.

"bro."

matthew screeches and grabs the curtain back, covering up the best he could as taehyung glares at him.

they keep eye contact for at least 4 minutes until the giant lets out a huge sigh and rolls his eyes.

"you do know you can't just walk into someone showering like that you pervert, like, what the fuck is wrong with you bro literally you just, like, almost made me drop the soap bro--" the shorter man pushes a finger against his lips and narrows his eyes.

"shHHHHH." taehyung steps into the shower, "sHhhh" and shuts the water off, "shh." he pulls the naked man out of the shower; and passes him a towel.

he peels his finger away, and smiles.

"I WILL NOT BE LETTING THIS DISRESPECT CONTINUE ON IN MY HOUSE YOU SHITHEAD I WILL NOT ALLOW IT, I MEAN YOU PRACTICALLY HAVE A BELL TO CALL FOR ME--YOU, YOU DON'T EVEN GET UP TO EAT! DO I LOOK LIKE CINDERELLA MATTHEW, DO I!?"

matthew's mouth completely shuts, like, super tight I mean you can't even see his lips, literally, his mouth is shut, like babies after lemons so much as touch them, it's shut--and taehyung narrows his eyes.

"we're going to the mall, to-fucking-day. finish showering, I'm forcing you to go out because nO, somin isn't every and anywhere and, NO, she is not your only happiness. okay, bro? now mcfucking hurry up because we, are, going."

matthew nods, mouth still closed and eyes wide as fuck--and certainly, he questions his entire existence as taehyung walks away.

"okay then."

a/n: I keep thinking of old spice commercials now :')

I hope this was good bc I haven't been able to get this out ya'know, just couldn't English throughout my process 😤

have a great day/night tho ♡

tell me about typos sweetly please :')