An Abundance of White Blood Cells // [WATTYS 2017]

TWENTY

Mom, Lena, Rose and I were decorating my hospital room. It was one of those rooms for patients that needed full time care. We brought almost everything form my room to the hospital. The twinkle lights, the polaroid photos, my records and the record player. Even my bed spread. I was stocking a little cabinet that was near my hospital bed full of clothes.

Dad and Nate were both out buying some lunch for us all. I hadn't told anyone about Friday afternoon. Dad would probably kill Nate if he knew, and Mom would probably help dig the grave. I had no idea what my friends reactions would be so I just kept it to myself.

While we decorated, My nurse decided to introduce herself. Her name was Amanda Shilling. I was supposed to call her Nurse Shilling, but she told me she wouldn't mind if I called her Amanda, she was very nice. She told me about my schedule for tomorrow. I would be given my first dose of the trial treatment tomorrow at eight thirty in the morning. The treatment was called The Ordagon Treatment, after the doctor who'd created it. After I got that done with, I could go to class if I wanted.

I'd decided I wouldn't go to the school program that the hospital provided, My parents told me I didn't have to do any more school if I didn't want to, but I at least want to try and graduate from my online school, I had one more week before I did. I closed the cabinet and started making the hospital bed with my comforter. The hospital bed was a bit smaller than my own, but it would do. There was a T.V. on the wall across from the bed, I probably wouldn't use it that much, considering it only had basic channels.

I finished with the bed and collapsed on it. We were all finished. Lena, Rose, and Mom joined me on my bed and we all examined our handy work. It looked like a sadder, sicker, version of my room. But what could you expect from a hospital? The glum feeling that was floating somewhere in the room left when Dad and Nate came bearing Chinese food.

We all made room on the bed, Mom got up and joined Dad, who decided to stand. Nate sat down by me, and handed out the food. He handed us all what we had ordered. Chinese was amazing! Said the girl who would only eat white rice and eggrolls. We ate, Rose and Lena grilled me about what I would do all day in this huge hospital. I just told them I'd do school work and things like that. What I didn't tell them, is that I would also be planning my funeral.

***

Everyone had left around eight o'clock at night, so I could sleep. I was glad they did, I was ready for sleep. But for the life of me, I couldn't. I just laid there all night trying to sleep, instead I just tossed and turned. I figured I must be nervous about my first dose of the new treatment.

But deep down, I knew it was something else. I had this sick feeling in my stomach. I could handle knowing I had cancer and doing the things on my list. It wasn't real then. But now, here I was, laying in a hospital bed, in a hospital room I had no idea how long I'd be using and I was going to get treatment the very next day. It all was becoming too real.

It was different now that I was older. When I was younger, my parents had fueled me with hope. I was so full of it that I knew I would survive it. I trudged through every spat of chemo like a champion. But now that I was older, I felt deflated. I knew I was going to die. I just knew it.

And I wasn't ready.

Before I knew it, it was morning. I refused to look at the clock, I didn't want to know how many hours I'd really been wide awake for. I guessed it was around eight in the morning, because Nate was opening my door. He carried a CD player and a little black thingie that kinda looked like a fancy purse. He tip toed past me, not even noticing I was awake, and set the CD player and the purse thingie on the window seal as quietly as he could. Once he'd finished that, he crept over to my bed and sat.

"Oh, you're awake." He said, a bit surprised. "I brought you a CD player and a bunch of CDs you might like, and I was going to wait for you to wake up and see you off to your first treatment..."He kept talking, but I didn't hear him. I started thinking about the treatment and how it meant that I would most likely be dead soon. I felt my eyes start to well of with tears. "Sloane, what's wrong?" Nate said.

I shook my head as he pulled me up into his arms. I cried into his shoulder. "I don't wanna die, Nate...I don't wanna die!" I sobbed. I said this over and over. Nate didn't say anything, he just let me cry as he rocked me back and forth and rubbed my back. I continued to cry to the point that my head was pounding. "I don't wanna die!" I whaled. Nate pulled me away.

"You're not gonna die, Sloane." Nate said, wiping tears away from my cheeks.

"Y-y-y-you don't k-kn-know that." I stuttered through tears.

"It's what I have to believe." Nate mumbled.

I continued to cry more, the headache started to pound even worse. "Sloane, you need to calm down." Nate began. "You need to take deep breath in through your nose, and let it out your mouth," He did it once and then I started to do it with him. We did this for a few minutes, until I stopped crying. I sniffled a little as Nate kissed my forehead. "I'm gonna go find some water, just keep breathing like that."

Nate got up and left. I kept breathing. Deep breath In. And let it out. I did this several times until Nate came back with a bottle of water and Nurse Shilling. She was in her late thirties. I assumed she was married, because she wore a ring on her finger. Nate sat down on my bed again and handed me the bottle. I drank half of the bottle in three gulps.

"You doing better now Sloane?" Nurse Shilling asked, a very cheery smile on her face.

"Mmmhmm." I nodded, if doing better meant I wasn't crying anymore, then I was doing better.

"You're treatment's gonna be in a few minutes, you'll need to change into one of these," Nurse Shilling handed me one of those gown things that opened up in the back. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes to come and get you." She left and so did Nate to let me change.

I put the night gown on and found a cardigan to wear over it, so nobody would see my polka dot panties. When I was finished changing I opened the door so Nate could come back in. I pulled my hair into a bun and sat on my bed. Nate crouched down in front of me and grabbed both my hands. "Sloane, you need to have hope."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you need to." Nate explained. "Because if you don't you're just...you just need to have hope, okay?"

"Okay." I nodded, though I didn't mean it.

Nurse Shilling came back when she said she would. She told us Nate could come with if I wanted. I grabbed his hand and we followed Nurse Shilling. We took an elevator to the second floor and went to a room that had a bunch of patients. Nurse Shilling brought me and Nate to a back room where she had me sit down a leathery, cushy, grey chair. She grabbed a needle that had been prepared. It had a clear liquid in it. Before injecting the stuff into me, Nurse Shilling cleaned the crook of my elbow with some anti-bacterial stuff.

"This stuff won't make me loose my hair, will it?" I asked.

Nurse Shilling smiled, and shook her head. "Nope, you get to keep your hair."

She gave me the Ordagon treatment, and that was that. She escorted us back to my room and told me breakfast would be coming soon. Nate and I sat down on the bed and turned the T.V. on. Nothing was really on, so Nate showed me some of the CDs he'd brought me. There were a bunch of them in the black purse thingie. He brought me a Green Day CD, a Chainsmokers CD, and a Coldplay CD, most of the CDs were of bands or singers I'd never heard of before, but I was excited to listen to them.

I popped the Green Day CD in the player and sat back on the bed. As the fifth song on the CD ended, a nurse I hadn't met yet brought in a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, a glass of milk, and a croissant. I thanked him and started on the croissant. I gave Nate my bacon and shared the eggs. I'm pretty sure that Nate was planning on spending the day with me, my parents were off getting Gramma, at her request. She wanted to come and be with me every step of the way.

When I was finished with my breakfast, I flipped through a note book that I'd put my list in. I'd forgotten to cross off the last few things. It fell out of the notebook, which I set down to grab a pen. I'd done all the things on my list, except meet Colton Steele. He was supposed to be here by Monday. And Monday could not come fast enough.