Why can't I feel /// Jacob Sartorius

Chapter 9

*skip 2months later*

Ughh I woke up to the annoying sound  of my alarm clock. I jumped out of bed and ran in the shower. When I was done I put this outfit on.

I smiled at my reflection and ran out the door. When I started walking I saw Jacob. "Babe" I yelled as I ran over to him. He's been in tour for a month and I haven't seen him for awhile. Damn he glowed up.

He smiled at me as I ran over to him. "I missed you I said as he held me walking" I smiled kissing his cheek. "I missed you to" he he said not really enthusiastic. "Are you okay" I asked. "Yeah why" he said without a care. I looked into his eyes. They weren't that beautiful hazel I fell in love with now they were dark brown. I smiled trying to cover up my concern and he set me down. I tried to hold his hand but he really didn't hold it back. I was really sad cause I thought he said he loved me. He's not acting like it at all. When we got there he ran off and found his friends and there was a girl. I wasn't jealous but I was kinda mad. I mean look at this girl.

I rolled my eyes and started to walk to first period. When Jacob comes in he looks at me then walks to the same group of friends. I almost got up and slapped him. I knew that would be inappropriate so I resisted the urge. Then the girl kissed his cheek and he smiled and blushed. I dug around in my bag till I found my new journal that I bought.

Dear emotions,

Jacob acted like he was annoyed with me this morning and now he's with other girls that are better than me. I thought about old Jacob. Less popular Jacob. He was kind and sweet. Now he's popular and Hollywood. I wish his kisses in the morning or his warm hugs when I'm sad. I touched his hand this morning it was cold and he didn't even hold my hand back. It's like he doesn't want to be seen with me. I love him but he's making me feel full of pain.

I looked over at them and saw they were all making hearts with Jacob and the girl. The last thing I would do is cry even if I wanted to really badly. I breathed in shakily resisting the urge to cry. I raised my hand. "Yes Ms.Havit?" Mrs.Colemyer asked. "M-may I use the restroom" I asked trying not to cry. "Yes, go" she said. I walked to the bathroom and started to cry. Then I heard a girls voice. "Well, well, well, what do we have here, Jacobs mine got it" the girl from earlier said rudely. I started to cry harder. When I was done I looked like a zombie so I fixed my makeup and walked back to class. When I did she was hanging on Jacob again giving him kisses in the cheek making him blush. You know what he's a dick. He's supposed to be my boyfriend not Mr.Fuckboi. I got annoyed and started to text. "Ms.Havit come up to the class and share what your texting" Mrs.Colemyer boomed. "You too Olivia" she said. Olivia was my bestfriend whom I was texting. We walked up and everyone looked at us. I read my texts and Olivia read hers . (I'm going to make it all one but pretend when it says Olivia she's speaking)

Me- do you see that girl hanging all over Jacob
Olivia😀❤️- yeah isn't he your boyfriend
Me- was supposed to be but I guess not

The class started laughing

Olivia😀❤️-wow what a hoe
Me- ikr
Olivia😀❤️- kill me she's so extra
Me- ughh can this class end already so I kick his ass
Olivia😀❤️- I thought he was your boyfriend
Me- haha try Mr.Hollywood Fuckboi I mean he used to actually care about me but god damn he acts like he has to watch Dora the Explorer with some little kid for an hour
Olivia😀❤️- dump his sorry ass
Me- I can't 😔
Olivia😀❤️- why the hell not
Me- because I actually care about him unlike him with me
Olivia😀❤️- shit Mrs.Colemyers coming

That's the end of our texts and we had the whole class dying. Mine and Olivia's cheeks flushed pink. Our class was laughing cause we acted out faces. "Umm girls I will never make you do this again that was quite enough swearing to fill a paint bucket please sit down and don't text anymore" Mrs.Colemyer said. I looked at Jacob and he looked at me with a glare. I pulled my hood up.

*bring*bring*

We all stormed out of the classroom and Olivia called after after me. "Ellie chill" she said. "No now I'm very sure Jacobs gonna break up with me" I said as tears flowed down my cheeks. "Your way to vulnerable Ellie did you know that he's not worth it" she said trying to make me see her point. "I love him and I thought he loved me but I guess not" I said crying even more. I got texted. I checked the picture

Unknown-

Looks like Jacobs a great boyfriend doesn't it Eleighanna 😏 -Queensxxx

I looked at the message and picture. Soon the picture was spread across the whole school. It was like some crappy remake of gossip girl. People were starring at me as tears ran down my face. Flashes of images of us being happy ran through my mind as I slid down the lockers. I curled in an upright ball and cried my eyes out. I saw Jacob and that girl. I walked up to him. "I HATE YOU, YOU STUPID FUCK BOI" I yelled pushing him running away crying. I ran all the way to my house and slammed my bedroom door. I cried all day. At some point I went and got ice cream and jumped in my pjs. I watched love stories all day crying. Then I heard Mia come upstairs. She came up and hugged me. "Ell are you okay" she held me as I cried into her shoulder. When I said it spread across the whole school I meant it. She smiled at me wiping some ice cream off my upper lip. "You'll be okay" she smiled hugging me. "I know I will Mi's" I smiled hugging her back. I should've never fallen in love.