Together or Apart

Chapter 20 - Forever and Always

C H A P T E R T W E N T Y: FOREVER AND ALWAYS

dated: May 31st, 3014.

Scarlett,

I've thought about you a lot. No, more than a lot. I've thought about you 24/7. I regret what I said. I regret that those words ever left my mouth. I regret that I didn't tell you about Sam. I knew the minute my lips landed on hers, I had to tell you - but I never had the strength to. But then again, you never told me about Holden.

Let me tell you, that kiss with Sam meant nothing. It was just a last minute thing. Something I couldn't control. It wasn't something I enjoyed, or want to enjoy. When I kissed her, I instantly knew what I did was wrong. I knew I had cheated, I knew I had done a wrong thing. I knew once I told you, you wouldn't love me anymore. And that's the exact reason why I didn't tell you. What I felt was remorse and sadness. I didn't know what to do. Scarlett, when I kiss you, I feel like my heart comes to a stop. I feel alive, welcomed.

When I kiss you, I feel fresh and cleansed. I love kissing you and tasting your minty fresh breath. Have I ever told you that? I love the way your mouth tastes like you ate mint ice cream everyday. But you sure don't look like you do. Scarlett, I'm sorry for lashing out at Greg. I didn't know who else to lash out at. I didn't want to lash out at you. He hasn't done anything wrong, he just helped you.

And I'm sorry I wasn't there when you had a car crash. To be honest I came when Greg called me, I rushed in and I panicked. But when I saw you surrounded by Holden and Greg - I felt like you didn't need me anymore. I felt like you had other people who loved you, and you who loved them. I felt as if I had lost you. Not you and your soul, but your love and passion with me and only me.

I'm sorry for all the things I said. I know that being wasted isn't an excuse for saying the things I said. I didn't mean it. Not one single bit of it. I want us to work, but apparently God keeps pushing difficulties in both of our lives, as he doesn't want us to be together. And maybe we aren't supposed to marry each other and have children, maybe that's why heartbreak keeps happening for the both of us.

This break is for the best of us. We both need it, equally. I don't consider you crazy, like you would always think. Do you remember all those times I joked with you about watching The Devil Wears Prada all the time?, well, I found myself watching it the other day - and I cried. I cried because I thought of you. i thought of your warm, snuggly body sitting beside me and watching it with me. And throwing popcorn with you, but none of that happened. I kept wishing for you to walk right through the door with a minty fresh smile, but you never did.

Do you remember our first time, it was magical and so romantic. I still remember it. I remember you being so scared and you were so vulnerable. I loved the way you laugh, and the wrinkles that form under your eyes when you smile really big. I know that these old memories of us won't bring me from being under the bus, but I do know that I miss them a lot.

And remember how you would come over tutor me. My sister Jane says hi by the way. She didn't like you because she thought you had broken my heart but now she's a little older and sees that heartbreak happens. And if a girl that age can see heartbreak and understand it, I'm sure we can be mature adults about it as well.

Speaking about tutoring. I really am sorry that I lied to you about needing help with Algebra. I know you said it was fine and you blew it off, but I hope you do know I only lied to spend more time with you. And those are the types of memories we will always remember and always cherish in our hearts. High School was the best four years of my life that I will never forget. Scarlett, you were in at least 3 of those 4 years, and that is special to not only me - but you as well.

I've never felt this way about somebody before, never in my entire life. Did you know that I could have had anybody in High School, but I chose you. You, only you. I chose you over everyone else. Why, because I liked the way you didn't drool over me like every other girl
in that school.

Do you remember when we visited Suzanne and Brent, and how he proposed? I still remember it like it was yesterday. Remember how they fell in love? Yes - it may have been through lust, but they made something special out of the lust. Yes - I do believe they only married each other because of the baby but I do feel like they will make that baby the happiest in the world. Maybe two years ago I wouldn't have even seen this as our future. I would have never thought Brent and Suzanne would have gotten married or that we wouldn't have worked out. I have always thought we would have our happily ever after. But as I grow more mature and act more like an adult I have come to realize most everyone on this plant never have their happily ever after.

Anyway, Brent got in touch with me the other day, he says hi. He wants you to know that he's doing well with the baby and Suzanne. Scarlett, I'm going to end this soon or this paper won't even come, because it'll be soaked wet. Anyway, no matter who I marry one day, or who I have kids with, I will always remember you. I will remember your laugh, your smile, your matching panties and bra. I'll remember our rights, and our withdrawals, I'll remember writing this note to you. and I hope one day you can forgive me like I do you.

Forever in my heart, Scarlett McAllister,

Love Always - Jack O'Neal