Tags, my life, and other stuff

Well f*ck

Hello my amazing audience of nobody. How are you today? Good? Bad? Tell me please. I need to get my mind off this. Give me some kind of problem so I can think about that rather than this.

(this is a long one so you might want to skim. Its a story of close friends over two years. Also Nicole don't read this.)

2 years ago sounds so long ago but feels like yesterday. My mother walked into my room and told me there was someone our neighbors kids had met that she thought I knew. It was a girl I had met in the waiting room at my little brothers speech therapy. Her younger brother went there for his as well. We hadn't seen each other since we were 5. It didn't matter seeing as she didn't even remember.

We still became best friends. We were so close and I listened to her talk for hours and somehow I didn't mind the fact I never talked about myself or my own life. I didn't care. I had never met someone who wanted to talk with me this much. I've talked about her before in a deleted chapter. I'm calling her Nicole.

I felt as though I might have been falling in love with her. She was beautiful, funny, adorable. She was also extremely shy except for when she was around me which made me feel so special. She also was the first person to ever be able to get me out of the house in forever. The whole summer was so much fun with her there. I finnaly had something to do.

However when the school year started for 7th grade things changed. We had just stopped seeing each other. We were both too busy with work. We didn't talk or hangout and that's when I made a lot of new friends and started socializing more, and becoming someone else but staying the same. I was just being me more openly. I think it was her who had really taught me how to do this because I acted like this around her and taught myself confidence.

When the school year ended we started hanging out again. She made me play outside and do things. Some how I still didn't see it. My mother kept telling me "she's controlling your life little by little, more everyday." she would come over without asking because "we were just that close"(or that's what I told myself) and then she would ask my mom where I was or not even say anything to her at all. Sometimes when I would go to sleep overs with my friends. I would come back to have my mom tell me that she had walked in our house and asked my mom where I was and it wasnt "hey, can Elena hangout?" it was "where's elena?" and when my mother told her I was out she had this annoyance in her eye and would say "oh she didn't tell me that" or "why? Where is she? What is she doing?" and my mom was annoyed by it. The truth was she was controlling my life, and I didn't even care. I would be sitting in my room enjoying something and she would just walk in and say "outside." and when I would say "just when this episode is finished." she would say "no. Now." and off we went. It made my mother mad. She did this almost everyday for the whole summer. Somehow I still felt like my feelings for her were back but stronger.

We promised not to dissconect during this school year, so we didn't. We hung out everyday after school or every other day. Sleepovers were every other weekend. We went night walking at 1am. We read stories together. We fell in love with Dan and Phil together all the while I fell in love her. We would listen to troye sivan and jump on the trampoline and I would listen to her talk about life and I finnaly related to his songs. She was the reason I really figured out I was bisexual. Her eyes were a grassy green with hints of blue and other times hints of brown. They changed seasonal. Once during christmas I was at her house and she had this white tree up. She had an extra star and while listening to music we held it by the cord and let it spin as we sat across from each other and all I wanted to do was kiss her. She said she felt so fat and ugly and it broke my heart because she could never see herself through my eyes.

However the happy times couldn't last forever. My grades began to plumett. My room was a mess. Eventually I would have to start caring. Everyday right after school. The moment I got home she would ask me to hangout. most of the time she was already at my house when my mom pulled in the driveway. Halfway through the school year I wanted to get things together. I needed to do homework everyday after school before my ADD pills wore off. I needed to start cleaning my room every friday. I decided I never wanted to grow up but I wanted to grow some responsibility. I mean I went to the magnet academy. If I didn't want to get kicked out I would have to clean my sh*t up. I began trying to tell her no, but in a nice way. That's when the nagging started or begging if you will.
"but can't you do it outside?"
"no it's on the computer, I need Wi-Fi."
"but we'll be near your house."
"ok. Fine." (this specific example lead to me trying to do it outside and failing and wasting 2 hours of homework time)
Or
"can't you talk while doing your homework?"
"do you even know how attention deficit disorder works?"
"please."
"fine ill try." (I got two problems done before I had been listening to her talk about a guy she liked and how he had smiled at her at school that day and how she shipped these two guys in her class. 1hr and a half of homework time wasted. Then I would just never get to it.)
And then it was
"can't you clean your room later?"
"you mean while my pill has worn off? No I won't be able to concentrate and get anything done."