hello. right now in this moment that you're reading this im probably feeling really bad about myself. im probably feeling non-worthy, ugly, fat, gross and a lot more that i can't describe. that's the reason to why i haven't written in a while. before, i used to do things that i love. like drawing, doing makeup, writing poems, writing here on wp, dancing. i don't do that anymore. im going through a really hard depression right now and not many knows. its only two people that knows and that's not my parents. i feel like my parents don't know a shit about me anymore. they don't know the deep feeling i have or that im actually depressed. they think that im the definition of happy and positive. but im not. by writing this i feel like im complaining about nothing. i know that it is so many more people that really suffer with depression and anxiety and that has it 1000 times worse than me.
so the reason that im writing this is that i feel like i can let out my feeling without being that ashamed as i am when i talk to my friend about it. i haven't talked to her about this for extremely long so i figured out why not just write it down to maybe feel a little lighter?
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when i found out i was depressed i got even more depressed by knowing that i was depressed. i took a test that doctors and psychiatrists use on patients. if you get over 20 points in total you're depressed. i got 40.
i don't know what todo with my life anymore. i have nothing on this world to do anymore. im not good at anything and i can't be either. for about a day ago or something me, my mom and my dad where talking about a future. i told them that i really wanted to be a good dancer when i get older and with the years. my dad said that i should've been exercising and working out so much more and that it's too late to be a good dancer. ive been dancing since i was three years old and i thought i was extremely good before he said that. he just crushed my dreams into a billion pieces and now i can't even find one of them.
that was only one star of the whole universe and it's so much more. i hope you understand why i haven't written more and feel free to dm me whenever you want. i love you, peace
