As Fear Faces (2)

15 Human

I feel healed, all my wounds have come and gone, leaving little scars for me to carry around and cherish. I run my hands over my ribs and around my torso, not whimpering in agony. I hang my head from the bed and right before I close my eyes I run to the bathroom. I forgot to brush my teeth. I open up the mirror but close it right away and find myself no longer glowing. My eyes are not even colors, everything about them is dark. But I'm so happy, how could this be. At the falls Blaine had told me my eyes were brighter than the sun but now. Now, they're brown and normal. I open the mirror again and pull out my toothbrush and toothpaste all of which are green. I need sleep, I've had a more than perfect day.

I wake up the sun bathing me once again from my small window, but this time I don't feel as right. Around me I feel wet and uncomfortable. I stretch my arms and shake my head. My eyes flutter with sleep, the Man of Slumber still kissing my forehead. I look down, blood. Blood. I get up and from my hips down to mid thigh is there blood. Huge dots sprinkle the sheets and I start to cry. What has happened? I open my door and call for Gretchen but instead Blaine comes running over. I'm dying, I tell him. He negates the words I say and tells me to let him in but I refuse. I think I know exactly where I'm bleeding from. He leaves and comes back with Gretchen who comes over and hugs me.

"Congratulations," Gretchen smiles and raises her arms in the air.

"Get to the bath and we'll talk."

I feel so cold and brutal. Its normal. It's what happens when you aren't fed drugs from the government. I breathe. The conversation scares me as Gretchen explains everything. I feel like an animal with this and with out my glowing eyes. But I'm human I suppose.

I have more pains in my stomach but this time its hunger. Before this moment I think I've felt this once or twice. I always ate because everyone else was and when I first woke up in that hospital I may have felt it in meager intervals. I eat pancakes and three plums, feeling satisfied.

Next thing I know I'm thirsty. I've never craved anything to drink. I take gulps of water while everyone is in other rooms, feeling sheer folly.

And then I'm asking for a hug. Hugs, why would I want a hug? Gretchen warms me and tells me that this is a part of life and to get used to it. Which I wish I could.

But then I remember.