Utterly Useless Nonsense

Have you ever

Have you ever gotten a feeling that's sort of like loneliness, in the sense that you want someone to talk to? But it's mixed with boredom and the desire to tell somebody about something you're questioning or wondering about yourself. When you feel like something about your identity is not what it seems, but you can't go to your parents about it because you don't want them believing something you're not sure about yourself. You can't tell your best friend because their parents read their texts and will tell your parents anyway. And that part confuses you even more than you were before.
So you wish you had someone to talk to about it.
But you have an idea of who to talk to, but you're afraid you'd make them uncomfortable, or that they just won't see your messages until much later, when you've probably already decided to ignore those feelings.
When you realize all if this and tell your friends you can't talk to them and that one person is the only person you can think of.
So you feel lonely. You wish you could tell someone how you feel. You wish you had someone to not necessarily help you figure everything out, but to tell you that you have their support. You wish you could tell someone who won't later say, "oh, but I thought you were this way," if you realize that it was just a phase or something if the sort.
And you know that one person you thought of already said they want to support you but you're still afraid to go to them. You're worried they'll think you're just doing everything for attention and that you're lying about your feelings.
And over all, you just want to talk about it.