Let's Be Alone Together

Chapter 20

In the morning, he's not surprised to find that Zayn's not in the room. He is a little surprised that Zayn's woken up before him, not to mention the fact that he's packed up most of Liam's belongings. He's not sure if it's meant as a peace offering or if it's a silent good riddance . Remembering how much Zayn hated goodbyes, it might just be his way of avoiding that.

He lingers a bit, unsure of what to do, if he should go out and look for Zayn, maybe make amends for the way they left things last night. He wants to wrap his arms around him one last time, wants to thank him, maybe apologize for the way he's acted. But the thought of Zayn being angry with him, of tainting something that has meant so much to him - he doesn't think he can stomach the thought of Zayn refusing to talk to him, let alone go out and actually face it. Instead he tidies up the room they've been staying in, tries hard not to cry when he finds one of his sweaters underneath a pile of Zayn's clothes.

He remembers giving it to him, one night, while they were out for a walk. Remembers how Zayn had shivered but refused to admit that he was cold, how adorable he'd looked, drowning in his clothes, when Liam had pulled off his sweater and all but forced Zayn into wearing it. He remembers messy hair and sweet smiles, sweaterpaws and delicate inked wrists and he only realizes he's pressed the material to his face when he inhales the spicy scent of smoke and Zayn's cologne. He carefully folds it up, before changing his mind and shoving it back under the pile.

Liam's not good with words, even if there's so much he wants to say. In the end, all he does is leave a torn out piece of paper (from the notebook that Zayn had gotten him) on Zayn's bed.

Thanks for everything.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Take care.

-Liam

He doesn't leave his number, or any other form of contact information. Zayn hasn't offered his own, and Liam isn't sure he could cope with knowing he'd left Zayn his number only for it to go unused.

His boss isn't pleased when he tells him he quits, but while Liam was a bit afraid to face him - and, honestly, a little afraid of the possible repercussions for Zayn - it's not nearly as bad as he feared it would be. Liam manages to tell him a bit about why he'd come, and why he needs to go, and it's choppy and jumbled up but it ends with the man squeezing his shoulder and telling him it's all going to be alright. Liam's not sure how true that is, but he appreciates it all the same.

His heart aches when he closes the door behind him, tears pricking the corners of his eyes, but he stubbornly refuses to cry until he's at least halfway towards the airport.

*

Coming home that day is nothing like he expected. For one, no one is angry. Well. Louis punched him in the shoulder before he even said hello at the airport, but, considering he'd threatened to punch him in the dick, Liam's still counting it as a success. Even his parents, his sisters, have welcomed him like he's just gone on a vacation, rather than a somewhat desperate attempt at running away. They're careful though. Chat about where he's been and what he's seen, about Nicola's job and Ruth's new puppy, but it's all very superficial. Like they're afraid to ask him what happened, if he's ok. Like they're afraid he'll break.

He thinks of Zayn and tells himself no, I won't .

His mum is the first to broach the subject. It's night and he's in his old bedroom at his parents' house. He'd briefly considered going to his own place, but one look at his mum's face and he'd changed his mind, took her offer of staying over. She's just brought a cup of tea up to him, and as she lingers in the doorway after his soft thanks , he thinks he knows what's coming. She opens her mouth, closes it, presses a hand to her lips like she can hold back the words. He's realizing, for the first time, how much he must've hurt her. "Mum," it's quiet, shouldn't be able to make her shake the way it does.