humans are not calculators
but with all these calories to add up in my head I've had no choice but to become one
anorexia is the desire to reach or maintain and unhealthily low weight
A DESIRE
not a disease
a desire
not a disease
spaghetti, meatballs, and tomato sauce
that's 440 calories
more than half of what I should eat today
that means I can't eat until dinner tomorrow
I'll say my stomach hurt too much for lunch
or I'll just throw it out.
"do you want to come to acme?"
no.
I don't wan to go to that graveyard of a grocery store
where caloric bullets will be barraged upon me
40 jumping jacks
30 crunches
20 squats and
10 push-ups
burns 100 calories
I just have to do that ten times
and pretend to sleep through dinner
and hope I weigh less by tomorrow
hope my collarbones show more by tomorrow
hope those jeans can be pulled up another inch by tomorrow
hope some fat falls off my face
or my legs
or anything
by tomorrow
just one more pound
then I'll be fifteen down
with thirteen more to go until I'm beautiful
and even though now I'm a calculator
maybe someday all these calories and nutrition facts will stop adding up in my head
maybe someday my battery will run out
