blisters ; jayson

ethan;

author's note

I just wanted to say that I love and support both of the twins from the bottom of my heart and want all the happiness for them in this world.. it really hurt me to see Ethan say he is in a shitty place and I think he should let out all his feelings because he seems to keep stuff stacked inside

We all know how awful it feels to feel alone.. love you so much E, we're all here for you <3 

-

See, Ethan's anger is not as transparent as Grayson's would ever be, in fact, nothing of his is transparent, not as transparent and easily readable as Grayson is. Grayson is volatile, laughs too loudly and then cries too hard and shouts and pushes everything around if he loses his temper. 

Ethan is an eternal obscurity, a mystery, and he means to be this way. He means for his smiles to stay teethless, lips trained to smile even if someone jolts him awake, and is slow to lose his temper over silly things. 

Grayson, he is like metal, catching heat quickly but losing it just as fast so when you touch it in the shade it's chilly and cool. Ethan, he is like antique books that will always feel the same, always smell the same despite the changing temperature around them, dusty and smelling of parchment and ink, only ever withering around the corners. 

So he approaches them like this, nostrils not flaring in anger like Grayson's would but his eyes are dark as peat, his hair flowing in a black mop and his eyebrows arched, he is furious with Jack but it is so bottled up that his jaw is clenched, and that proves to be a hundred times scarier than an outburst. 

He walks towards them and oversteps Jack's personal space after having grabbed a drunk Grayson by the arm and leaning down to Jack's eye level, saying with no emotion, 

"How fucking dare you let him drink? And I was the one to convince him to trust you again," he spat the last sentence in his face, and Jack is frozen, his mouth opened to defend himself but he was cut off by Grayson leaning against Ethan and drooling on his shoulder complaining about how he wants to sleep in the pool. 

"You will fucking wish for me to let you be around us again-" He breathes a little harsher now, eyes turning darker by the second, cheeks reddening with anger though it never showed that he was ever 'protective' of his own brother, but it was simply a facade. Like everything with Ethan, all is hidden under a cool demeanor he likes to manifest. 

A thought zaps through his messed head at that moment and his eyes squint at Jack in contempt, "Were you planning to take advantage of him all drunk? Did you think he had no brother that can beat you up looking after him?" 

Jack panics visibly, voice breaking, "No, Ethan- It's nothing like that at all. He wanted to drink it and it was only half a bottle, he's just such a lightweight because he probably never had alcohol befo-" 

Ethan leans in like he's about to growl or punch him, it's rare to ever see Ethan so irritated, no, so absolutely vicious to another human being but it comes out of a protectiveness, comes out of a case of someone trespassing his territory, his own brother who didn't know better.

"You think I don't know my own brother?" Grayson is slouched over Ethan's form still blubbering about something when Ethan's body lunges forward, as if he's about to hurt Jack and Grayson finds his own attention drawn to what was happening, his feet gaining balance against Ethan's push and trying to hold him back. 

"Ethan! Wwhaat are you doing?!" He slurs, placing his hands against Ethan's shoulders and stumbling backwards but regaining his balance. 

"Leave Jack alone! It's not his faaaault!" His voice shouts this and raises its pitch at certain points to emphasize his point.  He is still slurring but considerably more aware of his surroundings. 

Jack finds himself guilty once again, finding no confidence in him to refute what Ethan was saying and backs himself against the gazebo's pillar, his blue eyes communicating a sort of humble fear, as if he was truly guilty but it's simply that he finds that thought shameful, the thought of "taking advantage" of Grayson churns his stomach in the worst ways, and once again he is afraid of himself and he lets Ethan scream at him. 

And Ethan regains himself once more, looking as if his temper has simmered down but eyes still lit black and wide with that vicious, attacking hatred that could jump out of his eyes and swallow Jack whole with their poison. 

"I'm letting it go, you bring with him with you," Ethan lets go of Grayson completely and pushes himself away from Grayson's grasp, as if throwing the other away in a rash anger and Grayson stumbles to the floor, though he is strong and fit and has fast reflexes, he struggles to remain balance and flops down on his butt. Jack was right about one thing, Grayson was such a hopeless lightweight. 

"Ugh, that was so meaaaaan of him," Grayson stares after him. "You kn-know," he hiccups, "He's just been in a bad mental space lately, it's still about Mere-" he hiccups. 

"And he's been all fuckin' over me ever since I told him I liked dick too, as if me being a bisexual suddenly meant I couldn't protect myself?!? Like, whaaat?" Grayson looks at Jack, expression dopey, eyes drugged and he swings his finger in circles near his temple, signing that Ethan is "crazy". 

They go home like that, the tension in the car visible, Aaron has gone home with another girl, Ethan is in the passenger seat, arms folded and on alert, as if threatening Jack silently. 

And then there's Grayson, passed out on Jack's lap and drooling profusely near the place his crotch at..  Jack tries to stay as frozen as possible, busying himself with the lights on the side of the road, rethinking, revising everything down until there's nothing left but the imminent guilt in the pit of his belly. 

Jack concludes that he truly hates himself.

-

A/N: i know my updates became short but the pace of my story is deliberately slow.. hope you like each chapter though! 

sorry that these chapters are so bad lately....