wake up // sope [completed]

39

**TRIGGER WARNING!**

Song of the chapter: bound to you- christina aguilera](this is from the movie burlesque lmaoo but its a beautiful song)

[Yoongi's POV]

(Present time)

The rain and the bottle of whiskey I have in my hand are the only things keeping me awake.

I'm not sure where I am, but the neighborhood is quiet and cold. I've been sitting on the same sidewalk all day, morning to night. I've been sitting and loathing. Loathing life, myself, and loathing the fact that I've lost the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I reach under my shirt and grab the light chain, pulling it out and laying it on my chest. I fiddle with the ring attached to it, spinning it over and over. This was supposed to be Hoseok's ring.

I was going to propose on his 22nd birthday; but my mom died. I had gotten the call that morning, in the jewelers store. I was just walking out the door, the bag seemingly heavy in my hand despite the small ring being the only contents.

There was no caller id, but I still answered. It was the hospital, stating that my mother had died that night from a burglar. He had broke in and when she attempted to call the police, he killed her.

Everything around me stopped; I couldn't breathe. I had hung up.

I remember feeling claustrophobic in the crowd. I left the city and walked to the park near my parents' house. I had sat on the bench all day.

I knew I had to get home at one point. I went home, but didn't go to our room. I sat in our kitchen for almost an hour before the reality truly sank in. I freaked, and pushed and threw everything off the table. Hoseok came and comforted me, brought me to bed.

Hoseok never knew about the ring because I had left the bag in my car. I never proposed. I should have. I wear the ring on my neck all the time. But I always watch out for Hobi, make sure he's safe.

I stand on the sidewalk of our apartment sometimes, looking into the living room window, and stare at him watching TV with Jimin. It may make me angry that he's with Jimin, but I know with him, he's safe.

There's nothing I can do now. Hoseok doesn't need me. I regret every bad word I've ever said to Hobi. He's an obedient, submissive person, the type to really take things to heart. I've taken advantage of that.

I miss him. I miss his laugh, his scent, his spirit. I'm empty without him. I miss how every Saturday, he would get up early just to make me breakfast. I miss how every time he couldn't fall asleep, he would ask me to sing to him. I miss how everytime he found something he thought was fascinating, he would grab my arm and squeal, jumping like a kid. I miss how when he thought I fell asleep, he would whisper to me everything he loves about me. The singing in the car, the piggyback rides, the fighting over who gets to be big spoon and who gets to be small spoon. I miss it all.

My mother once called Hoseok a gem. She was a thousand percent right; he is. I let him go. He would never take me back.

I shakily got up, the bottle loosely swinging in my hand. I walked to the main street, the ring clutched in one hand, the whiskey in the other. I took a deep breath, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. The cars' and trucks' headlights attracted me like a moth to a flame.

What was the point of life if it didn't include Hoseok?

I took a swig of whiskey, dropped the bottle, and stepped into the street.

I heard the truck horn but didn't stop myself.

I love you, Hoseok.

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IM SORRY GUYS CKRNCKW

more updates soon

-sam