Blinding Love

Forgive and Forget

I froze. Did I just say that out loud?

Oh my god. What have I done?

I could feel Matt tense beside me. He was silent. I didn't dare speak. "Sophia, I don't understand." Matt finally spoke up, his voice was barely a whisper. "Are you trying to beat the player at his own game," he joked, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Matt I- I'm sorry." I stammered, "I don't know what I want anymore."

I felt Matt shift in the bed and get off. The lights were suddenly turned on and Matt was standing near the door way, looking tired and...upset?

It's all my fault. I knew it. I was doing this to him.

"Soph," he ran a hand through his hair, "why do you want me to kiss you?"

I covered my face with my hands feeling embarrassed. "I don't know." I admitted quietly. "I don't know."

He made his way to my bed and sat down next to me. He gently grabbed both of my hands, pulling them away from my face. I could feel my cheeks burn. Could he tell?

Matt placed his hand on my cheek and ran his thumb over my bottom lip. I froze. Was he actually going to do it? He pulled me closer to his face until his forehead touched mine. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Soph, I'm a player." I opened my mouth to say something but he continued talking. "I sleep around and play with girls feelings." he sighed, "I'm a selfish asshole," he paused, "and damn it, Sophia. I suck at this mushy crap. I'm not used to it. But I'm sure of one thing. When I'm with you Soph, I don't want to be a player. I don't want to sleep around. I want to be with you, alright? I want to hold you, and I really want to kiss you."

I felt my heart beat fast. It was just like last time.

Matt leaned in closer to me, "But..." he stopped and brushed his lips lightly against my own. I closed my eyes. "But I can't kiss you."

What?

Matt pulled away from me and stood up. "I can't kiss you until you know how you feel. I'm not going to do that to you, Soph. It's not fair to either of us."

I looked down at my hands. I felt guilty for being so selfish. I had to decide myself. Matt was right. I had to choose between Zayn or Matt. And deep inside I knew the answer.

I nodded. "I'm sorry, Matt. You're right."

He began to put on his shirt, "I think it's best if I leave."

I looked up at him. I wanted to stop him but I could tell he was upset. I wasn't going to be selfish. No, not anymore. I nodded, "I think you're right. Goodnight, Matt."

He cracked a small smile, "Goodnight Soph."

~~~

The next morning I woke up later than usual. It was noon already. I wanted to fix everything. I couldn't stay mad at my mom. I needed to forgive and forget. Matt was right. I couldn't hold a grudge - that's not who I am. Everybody deserves a second chance. I quickly brushed my teeth and hair, determined to start fresh and new today. No more drama. Sophia Castro does not do drama.

She's not a cry baby.

She's knows what she wants.