Suicide

Chapter 5

-C'mon Sakura, final note, you can do this! Even though it's to the person you hate the most.-

Dear dad,

I know you won't give a damn and read this but I can't keep silent anymore. I want to tell you how you made my life a living hell. Everyday you drained me of my identity and injected self doubt into my veins. Left me questioning my own sanity, walking around aimlessly. Leaving me at war with my self worth everyday. I tired so desperately to scrub your heavy words off my skin. My mental state has been shaken to its core. Thanks to you, I'm not sure who I am anymore.

In the beginning when the abuse first started I'd apologize to you, every time you struck me. You made me think I was the one at fault. Instead of love you only gave me pain. The place I should be proud to call home was never safe. All night I used to lay in my bed crying. But now, I just lie there with a blank expression on my face. I never thought I'd never get used to the feeling worthless, but thanks to you I did.

~Flashback~

"Sakura, come down here!"  I could hear dad yell from down the stairs. I quickly made my way down to see him with his head in his hands, eyes red and swollen from crying. "Dad what wrong?" "Your mother ran out, and it's all your fault! If we never had you she would still be here!" He screamed fists slamming on the table. I froze in place, tears gathering in my eyes.

"No, your wrong dad, mom loved me and you both" "shut up!" He growled giving me a harsh glare, slowly standing up and approaching  me. "You worthless piece of shit, i could've been happy if it wasn't for you!" After that statement,  I felt his hand swipe across my face, I could smell the faint stench of alcohol coming from him. I crashed into the floor at the harsh contact. I scrambled to my feet before he could strike me again.

"Get back here you bitch! I'm not done with you yet!" Not looking back I made it to my room, locking the door, barricading it with random objects. I could soon hear him pounding on the door yelling threats and a mixture of swears. Once it was silent I quietly opened the door, noticing he was gone. I closed the door and re-locked it, curling myself into a ball before crying myself to sleep.

~End of flashback~

I just want you to know dad, I hate every thing about you and nothing will change that. I hope that one day when you wake up and I'm not around that you'll feel guilty about what you did to me, since your the reason why. Your the reason why I used to cry myself to sleep. The reason why I'd cut myself with a rusty box cutter. I hope that when you walk past my room you'll still remember everything you did to me, I want to destroy you like you did me.

- I get out of bed pulling on a dark hoodie and some sweat pants. I gather all the letters, after ripping them out of my journal, stuffing them into my backpack. I tiptoe down the stairs past my dad, whose past out drunk on the couch (like always) and walk out the front door. Thunder and lightning beginning to show soon after I step foot outside. I pulled up my hood while starting my journey to the first person's note, Ino.-