Angels and Wallflowers - 1202

Letter Seven

Sunday, June 4, 2017
Dear, Friend

I guess I wasn't telling you every truth here. I said I would tell you more about the card I made for Three Days but I haven't even mentioned it since I first talked about it. Or the truth about the school program and how easy it was compared to actual school. Or the truth about how much I disliked the "Eat Your Food" nurse. Or the truth that the closet in my room was more of a large dresser than a closet. Or the truth about that on the side of the closet, there was lines like cuts that matched some of the patient's wrists Or the truth about how much I despised Fidget Spinners. Or the truth that Angel was catholic. But not a catholic that would kneel beside her bed every night and pray and ask Him to forgive her for not saying grace before every meal.

You see, I lie. You lie. Everyone has to lie at one point in their life no matter it be one time or every time you speak, you will lie. But why should I tell you that you lie when you know you lie yourself? Because I lied to people I loved. I lied to nurses, to my friends, to family. To Angel.

I didn't want to lie. Because lying was bad and I didn't want to be a bad person anymore. Because some people tell the truth. People like Angel tell the truth. I've seen Angels cry but hers was the worst. I didn't like seeing anyone cry because that showed they had emotion and pain in them.

But one and a half years ago when I fought with my mother and called her horrible things, I lost the feelings for others. I didn't feel empathy. I didn't feel anything and for awhile I liked it lIke that. Because I felt free. I felt free of captivity that is "emotions"

But, emotions make you who you are.

And soon I realized I wasn't me anymore.

Love always,
-a