No Hands but My Own

Chapter 20 - Habit

Seolo glared at Quala.

"It's my turn."

She sat on a log, sharpening her gleaming machete with slow, decisive strokes. Lifting the blade to her eye so that she could examine the keen edge, she answered without looking at the young man standing over her.

"No."

"But it's my turn." The back of Seolo's neck was starting to turn red and his nostrils flared.

Quala stood -- menace in every motion -- and swung her blade into its scabbard, just barely missing his stomach. She stood nose to nose with Seolo. Steam seemed to be erupting from his ears; Quala smirked. "I don't care."

With a sharp turn, she walked off towards a tree trunk, vigorously stretching. Just as her hands were about to grasp the trunk and scale the weathered spruce, an unholy screech filled the air. A slew of birds erupted from their nests, startled. The pair's heads snapped upwards towards the source of the demonic cry.

"Dampna." Quala breathed.

In a whirl of motion and giggles, a small shape sprung out of the tree and escaped into the woods.

"How come we're always beaten by kids?" Seolo sighed, throwing his hands up.

"They might always beat you, but they don't always beat me."

"Name one time."

"I can remember plenty." Quala turned and growled at him. Seolo quirked his eyebrow, waiting for an answer. Her face pinched tight and Quala opened her mouth as if to answer.

The eruption of a large, heavy mass from the tree above them made the bickering pair duck simultaneously.

"Every. Blut. Day." Chael grasped his tunic and gave it a solid wring, releasing a torrent of ice water. "I swear, I'll beat the mongrel who tries to wake me up tomorrow! Not only that, I'll put their head on a spike right by my door. You heard me!" He yelled in the direction the small shape had disappeared.

A lithe shape flew to his side, dropping from the branches above. "Sweetie, you know they're just teasing you -- it's just a harmless game to them." Ellerin's soothing hand stroked his arm in gentle consolation.

"I don't care what they think! I deserve respect!"

"Chael, you know that what you think really doesn't matter, right?" Quala attempted to brush out some of the needles that had fallen into her hair. Her hand came to an abrupt halt. "Hell!" A thick layer of sticky sap smeared across her head and stuck the unfortunate limb to her scalp.

Seolo let a smirk slide across his face, "Ah, the perils of distractions." He turned away from Quala's cursing form and walked off to find some breakfast before the morning lessons.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I could hear their voices echoing into the branches of the yew I had found just outside our latest camp and saw their fighting figures between the beautiful flat needles. A rarity in my territory, I treasured the tree's smooth bark and finger-like caresses.

Hearing Seolo's approaching footsteps I grasped a corner of my robe and rubbed furiously at my face, eliminating the salty trails that had been fresh just moments before. A few deep breaths locked calmness into my squirming insides. I uncurled myself so that I lounged on the branch,  watching the moving mosaic of the needles above me form and reform as Seolo came closer.

Keeping my face impassive, I gritted my teeth.

Turn around, Seolo. Turn around. Go back to camp. Gods, please.

"Canium?"

Dampna.

"Yes, Seolo?"

"What are you doing up there?"

"Thinking."

There was a pause; I could feel Seolo's gaze pierce the shelter of the tree and contemplate my form.

"Can I join you?"

I let the air I had been holding escape from my lips, the corner of my mouth tightened. I blinked with forced serenity before answering. "Of course."

Listening to Seolo scuffle and grunt as he fought for handholds hidden in the yew's smooth bark, I forced every muscle in my face to relax to shield the emotion swirling just beneath the surface.

Without looking away from the glowing halo shining through the needles, I ignored Seolo's puffing breaths as he climbed and struggled onto a branch near mine with a heavy sigh.

As Seolo regained his breath, his panting ceased to echo in the cocoon of branches until only the occasional whisper of the wind playing through the needles intruded on our silence. I had pushed my emotion down, but Seolo's voice brought my feelings perilously close to the surface.

"Are you alright?"

His words shocked me for a just a moment; my eyes widened and my breath left in a rush, leaving my chest hollow and empty. It took a moment for me to pull my expression back in order. "Why wouldn't I be? Are you alright?"

He chuckled, the sound of his melodic voice enrapturing me. "You know, when the Southern King first took over the woods, I didn't really care. My job was to partition land proportionally to every working clan member and I honestly didn't think that his coming would change much. And I certainly didn't expect to end up here." He snorted, peering through the swaying needles to the bustling camp a stone's throw away.

"But everything did change. My work was worthless to the King, so it was axed. My clan members -- friends and family that I've shared every day of my life with -- gone. Some of them came back in sacks, all raw like meat, but most never came home.

"By some miracle, I managed to hide every time soldiers came searching for new recruits for the mines. Sometimes they missed me by inches.”

“I-- “ Seolo's voice cracked and coughed. “I hid even when they took my brother. My brother had a life in front of him. He was smart -- much smarter than I could ever be. And he was so young; too young and thin to survive the mines. Still, I was the one hiding while my little brother faced his fate, head held high. I never saw him again."

He snorted. "I should have done something, anything. But I'm a coward. A bicce of a  coward who wouldn't risk his own neck for the person he loved the most, the person he swore to protect. I'm the worst kind of coward. Then, I heard about you and the way you were fighting even though you had lost everything."

I could feel the glance he shot my way burn into the side of my face. "And I thought 'I couldn't save Reotr but maybe, I can save someone else's Reotr. Maybe I can learn to be brave, to fight.' So I came here, arguing with the pacifist philosophy I had been brought up with every step of the way. The voices of my friends called me home but I kept walking.

"When you erupted out of those trees looking like a demon straight from hell, I finally felt peace. I was still scared, but I knew I was doing the right thing." His voice trailed off for a moment.

"Look, I'm not the best fighter and only passably smart. But I wanted to let you know that you're why I'm here. You gave a coward courage. So, yeah. I'm better."

I listened to Seolo clamber down the trunk, cursing as his clothes caught on needles and branches. My head was bent under the weight of his confession and I had to struggle to unpurse my lips. I heard his feet strike the earth with an heavy thump.

"Seolo?"

"Yes?"

I twisted my head so that I could face the youth as he gazed up at me. "There are many reasons for a fight." I locked gazes with him; silent understanding passed between us. "We'll start the clan meeting in a few minutes. If you could tell the others, I would really appreciate it."

Seolo smiled slightly and walked back toward the chaotic camp. I took a few deep breaths, letting his knobby figure disappear into the mayhem, before leaping down to earth.