No Hands but My Own

Chapter 9 - Run

Not one face looked happy or excited as we packed our things into our sleds. There wasn't much to pack but you could see the dissatisfaction in every one's face as they went around camp certifying that everything was taken. We did not want to go.

Explaining the problem had been relatively easy to the few older members of the clan - they understood the binding agreement that came with consulting the Assembly. And it had been many years since we had last had so many obstacles for survival. The younger generation caused more of hubbub - before this week, they could not remember the times when every second day we ran to a new camp, holding onto life with desperate hands.

Because we were to leave the next day, I decided that taking down our make-shift wooden homes would prove to be a waste of time. And, I suppose, I nursed the hope that maybe we could return to camp one day.

I sincerely hope that I haven't become sentimental in my old age. That would be devastating.

It didn't help that we had talked of the past - I hate talking about the past. It always makes me so lethargic, an emotion I can't afford to have. Even just thinking about Joklvar makes my skin crawl - I can still feel his warm, sticky blood settling on my skin, mixing with the blood running down my body in a thick, sickeningly heady scent

. Naddaja I still miss - she had been my closest friend. But there was nothing I could have done to stop her from being swept away. Arrel had been a good friend too - that stupid pact we had made before the Choosing was so silly. Why we were so willing to sacrifice our lives for a chance of glory, I don't know. But because of a childish vow to never back away from the challenges no matter how dangerous, I had lost two of my best friends. 

Now that I think about it, most of my contemporaries were dead - which is somehow very surprising. I know that our clan members have the shortest life-span compared to the other clans but it's just the way it is.

We have less security than other clans - living in the least hospitable area of the woods, we have few areas where plants could sustain us and more dangerous creatures in our territory than our neighbors. Even our curve of the River is treacherous; the earth near the River tends to crumble under your feet, leaving you floundering in the rushing waters.

I suppose I have never thought of how few of my generation has survived this long. Just Sle, Reliel, Dilenkeh and I still stand while our ten other training companions lie decomposing under the grass. 

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 We had been walking all day, making good progress on our trek Northward. We were all tired - it is hard to drag a sled over uneven ground, especially in the woods. We stopped in the plains that when just beyond the Cervedrony territory. I always enjoyed the sight of the sea of rolling grasses - one felt absolutely free and invisible. 

"All right folks! Let's set up camp. Be careful to not set the grass on fire!"

The next hour or so was spent busily working under the darkening sky, preparing for night to fall. It was a surprisingly happy evening considering the anger associated with leaving home and the exhaustion of travel. After our evening meal, we sat around the single fire which sent ghostly shadows flitting across the blank canvas of our tents.

There was a lot of singing and dancing - it began when Assadar started to sing a quick, rhythmic song. Alrira dragged a blushing Ralerin to the clearing by the fire and they were soon swinging each other around, making it look as easy as breathing.

It was nice to see Ralerin smiling again - he had been extremely melancholic and depressed since Bemkash had died. The pain of losing your closest friend is a hard one to bear.

Shira soon joined in with Gahnenal, both dancing less exuberantly - Shira's arm was still healing and Gahnenal had not yet accustomed to the loss of his hand. 

While I was watching the spinning heads of our youth, Reliel appeared and blocked my view. His eyebrow was cocked and he seemed to be brimming with mischief - an emotion I rarely associated with him. "Canium? A dance?"

He offered his knobby hand and bowed his saturnine body double. While I hesitated, he leant forward and said, "Unless you have forgotten, you owe me one. "

"For what?"

Reliel gestured to his left cheek where only a slight redness remained of the stitched wound. "Letting you sew up my gorgeous face. I was putting my best attribute into your questionably capable hands."

I laughed and grabbed his hand. Pulling me up, Reliel stepped into the clearing to the amusement of my clan members. I could distinctly hear Dilenkeh and Yishus hooting in laughter at the strange pair we made; Reliel with his whippet thinness and me with my solid frame. And though I am tall for a woman, Reliel is of a ridiculous height - well above the two meter mark.

Still, when we made eye contact, we couldn't help but grin at each other and start to dance. Skipping and jumping, we smoothly crossed between the other pairs. It was a silent challenge to the younger generation to try and keep up.

I barely had enough time to react when Reliel pulled me towards the fire - my leap over the flames was definitely ungainly and the landing had been a very close thing. Chuckling at my surprised expression, I only got a glimpse of Reliel's long, angular face softening into a smile before I was spun dizzyingly.

Just as I recovered my equilibrium, I was pulled back over the fire, this time by Yishus. He was quite small for his age of seventeen but with his smaller frame came an extraordinary quickness; I could barely keep up with some of his improvised steps. While I started to show my age - panting with exertion - after a few minutes of his swift movements, his brow and dark brown hair remained disappointingly free of beads of sweat.

I was almost glad when Dilenkeh plucked me away from young Yishus' frenzied dancing. That is, I was glad of the escape until he lifted me into the air, like the doll I was definitely not, and swung me from side to side much like how an adult dances with a untrained child. No matter how much I struggled to break his grip, I couldn't escape his bear hug without leverage from the ground.

I was getting a bit frustrated, especially since this seemed to have been the most entertaining thing anyone in my clan had ever seen. When I finally succumbed to the inevitable, Dilenkeh decided to promptly drop me on my rear. My death glare at the towering Dilenkeh only prompted him to start emitting loud guffaws, further injuring my severely bruised ego.

With as much dignity as I could muster, I stood and brushed the newly-acquired dirt off of my clothes. Despite the audible disappointment of my family, I resolutely took a bow and returned to the edge of the clearing where I could act with the dignity associated with age.

There are some definite perks to being old - no amount of social pressure has much effect on your decisions anymore. And so, I felt no qualms to go, sit at the edge of the circle, and watch my clan enjoy itself.