Dominant Book 2

Chapter Forty-Seven

Date written: July 13, 2017 7:31 pm
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*Alexandrielle's POV*

Sweatbeads trail down from my forehead and to the pillows. My body is covered in sweat as my chest heave up and down dramatically. My heart is beating so fast and hard in my chest that if I'm not mistaken, my chest is pounding too.

My mind reeled over what happened for the past hour.

It feels surreal. I don't even think it happened. But with my naked body covered in sweat beside Tyler with the same condition, I know it did happen.

Did I really do it?

Uncomfortable knots formed in my stomach, churning and twisting painfully. My other side kept growling at me, so furious of what I just did. She kept on lashing out, baring her fangs at me and walking agitatedly. She was beyond furious alright. But why did I do it?

I kept asking that to myself. 'Why?' And for once I was blank. I couldn't answer. Maybe because I wanted to move on? Or maybe this is some kind of payback? But something in my gut tells me it was none. There's always a certain point in our lives where we do something that bothers us. We ask ourselves why we did it only to have no answer. It's frustrating but frightening at the same time.

What is the consequence of my action?

That is something that frightens me.

"Did you regret it?" Za-I mean, Tyler asked me forlornly.

I looked away from him. His eyes are so upset that I couldn't stomach it. What should I say? Yes. No? I don't even know if I regret it myself. My mind is blank and my emotions are all jumbled up. I want to tell him no because I don't want to see him hurt. But I'll only be lying. I don't know myself and I don't want to lead him on. I know he has deep feelings for me but I could not lie to him. I could not just go around and tell him I feel the same way just to make him happy when I really don't. I'm not a sadist. I wanted to tell him things that will make him happy just to clear a message to Zach that I don't want him anymore but I can't.

"Honestly...I don't know. I don't know what to feel anymore and I don't even know what just happened or why did it happen. I'm confused, Tyler. I want to tell you that I don't regret it but how could I if I don't know what I should feel." I admitted - upset. "I don't know if I regret and I also don't know if I enjoyed it. I'm a mess right now Tyler but I couldn't lie to you. You have been such a great friend to me. Always there to the point where it is clearly shown that you are being used. I don't want that. I don't want anyone including you to think that I'm using you. I don't want to lie to you because I know it will hurt you more. I just need time to understand myself. I'm sorry if I dragged you into my mess" I faced away from him, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

This whole confusion is killing me. My mind tells me to move on and be happy but my heart is screaming at me to give Zach a chance. But how could I? He broke me. He made me feel such fascinating and amazing things only to be bitten with slytherine snake lies. He had made me weak to let him in, he broke down my walls with his sweet gestures and words only to kill me slowly and painfully from the inside out. Now I'm a weeping mess. My head and heart in a conflict, my emotions all jumbled up, my decisions uncertain and worrisome, and people are being dragged with me in my pain.

"Alexa" Tyler made me face him and his eyes show sadness and understanding. How could he have such an understanding heart? How could a guy like him standing up beside me always without me returning the favor? Why does he have to be so perfect? Why can't he just be the guy that both my heart and mind wants?