I walk out of the board meeting room with my head down. I push the button for the elevator not looking up once.Silent and still.
Not only is that the atmosphere around me but that's how I feel as well. I can't help but wonder how things went so wrong. It's all my fault. I try so hard to be normal but I'm not. I should be. Oh, how I've hoped and prayed to just be normal. Like any other person in this world but I'm not.
GOD DAMMIT!
I punch one of the mirrors surrounding the inside of the elevator. I don't even remember stepping into the elevator and I step back in shock as the people in the elevator let out a surprised sound and step back from me. I can't help think of that song one of my high school friends sent me.
"I tried to hold these secrets inside me, my minds like a deadly disease...I'm meaner than my demons...and all the kids cry out please stop you're scaring me....who is in control?" I let out a dry laugh and hit the button for the very next floor.
Damn right, who is in control?
It should be me! Since I was young as a trainee, I did what I was told, stood where I was told to stand . Said what I was told to say and as leader I protected and hid. Protected my group, our reputations, our future and hid our secrets. The torture we faced just to get where we are today. I think of Ken as I walk down the stairs from the 9th floor of our entertainment companies building all the way to the basement, to my car.
I think of Ken's laugh, his innocence, the burden he must hold. Knowing everyone's secret but having no one around to share his own thought with. I think of how with our daily schedules. We perform 3-4 concerts a day. Yes, a day. He practically live in our van since we're always going from one place to the next and barely even have time to sleep and eat some days. I think of our concert venues. The crappy convenience store food that's laid out on the table or whatever local catering is near by. On top of that our diets.
No eating after 7.
Ridiculous.
What did they say to me? We will have you and Ravi do this again and say to the press that this was fan service. Use this scene in a music video so write a song and leave. Resign as the leader of Vixx. You will pay back your debt to this company by teaching the trainees how to dance.
Ridiculous.
Even more ridiculous is that my manager supported this idea. The board of directors think this is all business. We aren't even human to them, just money making machines.
RIDICULOUS!
I slam close my car door and rev up the engine of my used corvette. They don't even pay us enough for me to get a proper car. I live on rent in a small apartment and these people think they own me...this is control. They lock people inside little boxes and that's how they control them.
My phone starts ringing. It shakes and vibrates lying there on the passenger seat. I see my managers face and my anger meter bursts. I flick down the options menu of my Samsung and put my phone on silent and turn my location off.
Not picking up any calls and no way in hell am I letting you open up your Snapchat and find me. I am in control. I will decide. I will not let anyone control me.
I have worked very hard these past few, who do you people think you are asking me to give it up. When I kissed Ravi that was the first real preview of happiness and Bliss I had. That moment, I will never regret it.
People will be people but I will keep that moment between Ravi and I. I care about Vixx, I do but I will not turn whatever is between us into some fan service event. My emotions will not be entertainment for someone else.
I vision turns blurry.
I'm crying, ugly crying. I wipe at my eyes but can't control the hiccuping and shaking that follows.
I'm on the highway, I can't even stop the car now. I wipe at my eyes faster.
I want this to stop, this is more than I can take and it's not going away...
I hear loud honking all around me, I can't see! I can't.
My car won't stop. MY BRAKES AREN'T WORKING.
THERE'S A TRAFFIC JAM UP AHEAD.
I see a bunch of red through my haze of tears. I pull at the side break. I need to slow down.
The honking get's louder. I can not understand what is going on. Everything is blurry and I'm shaking, The breaks aren't working, there's too much noise, the lights are too bright.
I feel a jolt from behind me, then from both my left and right side, I'm cold.
Really, really cold. I feel water, all around me.
My eyes... I don't know if they're closed. I can't see, It's dark. I don't understand, what's happening?
I don't understand. I feel trapped, I'm frustrated. A caged animal.
Help me...
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Soulmates (Neo Fanfic) COMPLETED
Fanfic~~~It is said that soulmates are connected from the moment they are born, at night when you lie awake unable to sleep it's because your other half can't sleep either.Someday you'll find your soulmate and your soul will go "Oh! There you are!" You'l...