Wait For Me

6. Spades♠️

♠️Spades ♠️

EMERSON

What does it mean when your heart is about to burst out of your chest, and its hard to calm down, and you want to rip someones head off? My heart literally hurts. I have never felt this way in my life. This anxious feeling is pissing me off. I am not afraid of anything, so why do I feel so afraid right now. I am being swallowed up whole in this dark place. I think I know what this feeling is, I just don't want to put a name to it. Then I would have to face my feelings and I never do that. Analyzing feelings and shit is for girls and women not men.

Suddenly my know it all wolf, rears its stupid head.

Alex: Jealousy.

Emerson: The Fuck did you just say?

Alex: Jealous. You. Are. Jealous. I know because I can feel the feelings that you are feeling. Oh and lets not forget stupid, and raging mad.

Emerson: Leave.

Alex: They say "if you go looking for trouble, you bet your ass your going to find it" Ding ding ding Inspector Gadget!

Emerson: Leave.

Alex: I get why you lie to other people, but why do you lie to yourself and me? Actually I don't get why you lie to other people. People who tells lies are afraid of something. You "act" as if your afraid of nothing.

Emerson: Since when did you become the voice of reason? O' great one? Get the Fuck out of my head Alex: haha

He left but I could hear him snickering.

Yea, I probably should have never went through Bre's phone. It was a privacy violation. No one touches my phone. But I fucking own her. She started this war. I'm just going to finish it, until I say its over. She deserves everything that's coming to her, and that has happened to her. She is a social outcast because of me. I never told anyone to pick on her. They just follow my lead. Amber was definitely out of pocket last week. No one gets to pick on her while I am there. Which is why I gave her the boot, knocked her social status down a little bit. If she is humiliated its by my hand and no one else's in my presence. I have heard what people were doing to her behinds my back. As long it'snot in my face, or too over the top. I hate her but I do have a soul deep down somewhere.

I'm okay with calling a spade a spade right now, for the simple fact: My emotions are out of wack right now.

When I saw the name Shane in her phone, I wanted to throw it. I clicked on their chat/text history, I literally saw red. I thought I had made it clear that no one was supposed to make a move on her. Clearly this kid doesn't go to this school. If he did he would have been outcasted. Even thought their texts are basically that of small talk, I know that he is just biding his time so that he can make is move. He will never have the chance if I have anything to do with it.

There is a real reason why I hate her so much, but its not what you think. I can take some little air-headed girl calling me names, and I am far from stupid. I have had a crush on her years ago, my first one actually. I said crush, I have been swarmed around girls my whole life (keep this in mind). She was actually the only girl I genuinely liked, because there was something different about her besides her looks. She had this smile that reminds you of the mona lisa painting. Like she knew something the rest of us didn't, I always thought it was only for me but it wasn't. I remember the whole thing like it was yesterday. But I won't tell the story.

But I will say this after I closed Bre's bedroom door, I went down stairs and ran into her mom again. I made small talk with her, basically telling her we had set up a meeting schedule. If I didn't know any better I would say that she is hella happy that I am here, like she thinks I am trying to court her daughter or something. Right after we said our goodbyes, I heard Aubrey upstairs on the phone with her friends making plans to go to the mall, and keeping this information from me. I know she has a date, not only did I hear it from the horse's mouth itself, I know she never goes to the mall unless dragged.