Dysfunctional

Crazy

Song: Prisoner- The Weeknd ft Lana Del Rey.

I was in my bed, typing away at my phone. I wasn't chatting with anyone but I was typing my thoughts. Just a way of seeing my life in a different perspective. I write down my thoughts and view them later, at that moment when I'm reading what's happened in my life. I'm a spectator, watching or reading about life. Few would get that.

I've had the same song on repeat, not for anything special reason but because some lyrics got me. "I'm a prisoner to my addiction. I'm addicted to a life that's so empty and so cold. I'm a prisoner to my decisions." It's speaking to me but I'm yet to figure out what it means...to me I mean.

I don't know why I'm so introspective today. I guess because I feel trapped. Toby told my mom about me breaking his watch the other day and he made it look like I had taken it and smashed it or something. And she wasn't any better, shouting at how I could do that to his most expensive watch. Did I understand how much he had worked to be able to afford that watch? Didn't I feel anything when I broke it, was I that heartless.

"You really think I'm so petty and immature, I'd take his stupid watch and break it. I'm not a child, I don't break petty little toys. I'm not going to bother telling you what really happened because there's no point. You are always on his side in this kind of thing, did you even bother to hear my side of the whole thing?" I asked her, looking her deep in the eye.

She shifted uncomfortably and looked away from my piercing gaze. "No I didn't. But I don't need an explanation, Toby wouldn't lie..."

"Fuck that!!!" I shouted. My mother jumped and my four brothers looked over from the living room to see what was going on.

"Ooo Alex said a bad word." said Tommy, he and his twin brother standing on the sofa to see better.

"See that? No respect. Mom are you really gonna take that from your only daughter?" Toby asked.

I turned towards him. "You're a petty little bastard, know that? What exactly do you get from this? Creating tension between us? Does it make you feel good, picking on your little sister?" I asked, trying to understand if I was being overwhelmed by anger or sadness.

He smirked and stood up. He took long strides towards me and my mother. "You don't fucking get it, do you? This isn't me bullying you. This is me hating you. I hate you with every fibre in my being, you're the bane of my existence. You and that brother of yours." Stopping in front of me, he stood level with me, looking down at n from his height.

I won't let him get to me though. He's not going to intimidate me. "Why? Why the hell do hate us so bad? Did I do something to you? Hurt you when we were little? Did I do something?" I turned to mother, "What the hell did we do to him huh?!"

Mom looked at Toby almost fearfully, a hint of pleading in her eyes. I wasn't able to comprehend the message she was trying to pass with her eyes so I turned to Toby to see his reaction.

His face didn't change, it was as hard and devoid of emotion as ever. He took in a deep breath and smirked at me, "Baby girl, you'll have to figure that out by yourself. Half the fun is hidden in the fact that you know nothing."

Know nothing about what?!! "What kind of cryptic shit are you hiding from us?" asked Theo, standing up.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Not my fault you're ignorant little bas..." he was cut off because before he could complete his statement, I whipped out my little knife I kept in my back pocket for protection and pushed him against the wall, pressing the blade into his neck.

"If you complete that statement, I'll use this knife and cut off that little tongue of yours and feed it to the neighbours dog!" I said, breathing heavily.