Do you remember? //My Chemical Romance

Do you remember?

I couldn't stop pacing.

That's what the medication they had given me did to me. They took everything. They took  Mikey. They took my voices. They took my comfort. They took me.

I saw nothing but dark. An empty bed on the other side of the room. Has it always been there? Did it appear at some point? I don't know. I know nothing.

There's no window. Or yes. There is a window. But I don't know if you could call it a window, as you can't see through it. It's not a window if you can't see through it, right? And with bars in front of it? No it's not. Sometimes I feel like I'm a window. The doctors here see right through me. They see things, I can't even see. But those things aren't true, are they?

Time is a weird thing. I don't know how it works. I think other people feel how time goes by. They live by schedules. They seem like they find comfort in time. It always stays the same. But I have lost the ability to feel time long ago. If I think about it, time has never been there.

Or has it? What is my past? Am I human? Does your appearance decide about that or is it your mind? My mind is a window. Nothing stays. Everything goes right through. I'm not human, am I?

They came in. Everything was so white. So bright. They remained silent as they looked at me and I felt their forced composure. They didn't say a thing. They knew me. It was so loud. I think I moved. I couldn't breathe. And then there was a wall behind my back. Am I real? I don't know.

'They're trying to get you.'

I leaned back and forth. Faster and faster. I can't breathe. Now one of them opened their mouth. I heard a loud, high pitched noise. His mouth was black. The darkness seemed to scream at me, mesmerizing me to come. I'm falling. No I'm not. There's still a wall behind my back.

'They're going to get you. Get you!'

Were they laughing? No. And then they touched me. My skin screamed, silence consumed my thoughts. My heart ached and my eyes widened. I couldn't breathe.

'Got you'

It's black. Windows shatter easily.

*

I felt fresh. My eyes slowly opened.

'Stupid'

My voices were back. That's good.

And then I saw something. A lamp. Right over my bed. That wasn't the lamp I was used to. Maybe I'm dreaming. Am I real?

There were hands behind the bright light of the lamp. They were moving slowly. My eyes never left them.

The door opened. I didn't look at the white people. Maybe if I don't look at them, they won't be real. Does that mean if I don't look at me, I'm not real too? I quickly looked down. I was dressed in a pyjama. And red Christmas socks. I heard this noise again. Christmas socks. Thoughts broke through a wall in my head.

And then I saw myself for the first time. I saw a fire. A friendly fire. It held us warm. Blood. All I saw afterwards was blood. So much blood. I heard a scream. It didn't stop.

I saw the white people rushing towards me. And then it was black again.

*

"You need to remember"

The voice was nice. It was soothing. I looked down at my socks. My Christmas socks.

"You are save here, you know?" the voice said. "No one's going to hurt you. You are save."