Do You Have Heart (Avengers/Loki fan-fiction)

Chapter Eleven - Shadows And Memories

ALINA/VOR'S POV

In that moment, he ruined everything we have ever held dear; our past, our present, and, ultimately, what could have been a perfect future.

I make my way through the corridors of the helicarrier, surveying the damage that Loki and his followers have caused: the whole flooring panel of Banner's lab has fallen through into the chamber below. It seems to have taken out some water pipes and electrical wiring on its way down, too. One chamber of the airship is completely destroyed: the place where Nat had a dangerous run in with what Banner likes people to refer to as 'the other guy', and the control room is in chaos still, with computer systems still down, and many pieces of expensive equipment damaged beyond repair.

This is going to cost a lot of money to clean up.

But I don't care how much money it will take: I would give all the money in the world to bring the only person on this planet - besides Clint and Nat - who has ever truly cared about me. When the message came through that Phil was down, I couldn't stop the rage; it destroyed a fair amount of the chamber I was walking through at the time. After that message, I hardly noticed the burning sensation in my arm, still remaining from where Clint shot me; I just stormed on to the runway and hurled all the anger inside me at Loki's retreating plane.

He has ruined everything we ever had: our friendship, a bond that most people thought would never be broken. Until I 'died' and he went insane. And now he has killed the only true father figure I had ever had - both on this planet, and Asgard. My actual father, Lord Arandol, never cared about me; only my sister, Sif, who was destined for greatness. On Earth, they worshipped her as the goddess of war; the one who would bring them victory in their battles.

I was worshipped too, but in a different way: those who were blind to the reality of my situation, spoke to me only as the goddess of wisdom, who would bring intelligence to human children and set them up for the world. However, the wisest of them also worshipped me as the goddess of rage; those who saw Vor and Weth as one: the goddess of two faces.

Most saw Weth as my twin, or even as a completely different being altogether, one with a different agenda. But, those smart enough to see the truth knew that 'Weth' is not real: she is just another side to Vor. They were my true followers: those who spoke to me before a battle, asking me for my wisdom to guide them and my rage to follow them; to wipe out their enemies as I did my own.  I felt bound to assist them; and that is what I did.

But I could never release my rage on him. It never worked; he was the only person who didn't see me as a shadow, as a dangerous shadow. Because he was one too.

My heart still aches as much as my shoulder as I enter the control room. Fury, Hill and Steve are sat at the table in front of the screen, talking about something. Fury notices me and beckons me over to them. "Ah, Agent Thornwell. Or, should I say Lady Vor? I don't know what to call you anymore." he says, pointing to the chair opposite him. I reluctantly step forward, pulling out the chair and sitting down, no idea how to react: yes, I know who I truly am, now, but I feel like I still cannot let go of Alina. Not for me, but for people like Clint and Nat, who know me, not as an Asgardian warrior girl, but their agent friend who started fights with Clint in training sessions and annoyed the crap out of our trainer, agent May (who is some majorly kick-ass Asian woman with more martial arts skills than Mulan). And then, later on, laughed with them from atop piles of Hungarian city rubble and took stupid pictures.

They can't associate those kind of memories with Vor, and I can't either: they are Alina Thornwell's memories, not Vor's.

Now that I know the truth, I think of Alina not as a different person, but more like an alter ego that I said goodbye to. She is still there, and I am still her in many ways, but that is more because Alina was influenced by the bits of Vor still left in her, even after the memory wipe; not by Alina changing Vor. I am both of them at once: it depends which one you see, not who I am.

"Under the SHIELD database, I am still known as agent Alina Thornwell. On this planet, and in this line of work, I would like to still be referred to as agent Thornwell, thank you sir." I reply, folding my hands together atop the table. Director Fury nods once. "Very well, agent Thornwell. Now, we have more pressing matters to deal with. The Earth is going to be under attack at some time in the very near future. I suggest that we group together all the people in the Avengers Initiative and take on Loki's army."

"But we're still missing one of them, Director." I stumble over my words a little, and my shoulder flares up in pain again at the mere thought of him "We lost Clint, didn't we."

At that, Fury just smiles, and then, suddenly, a voice breaks through the silence on my communicator in my ear. It's Nat. "Get down here now, Clint's waking up."

What the hell? What happened....

"Agent Barton's mind was....recalibrated, as such. He's back to normal." Maria says, giving me a half smile from across the table. I'm up from my seat and halfway down the corridor in two seconds flat, on my way towards wherever Nat is.

I find the two of them sat  in a cell, Clint tied to a chair by his wrists while Nat is sat at the side of the bed. "How did you get my mind back?" I hear Clint ask through the glass, looking puzzled. Nat smiles, a small laugh shaking her body.

"I hit you really hard in the head. Recalibrated your brain. It got him out."

Clint's smile; his real smile, the one that I've seen so much in the past but have hardly witnessed in months, flashes across his face, lighting up those blue eyes - the normal blue eyes, not the tesseract glow colour that was in them before. I'm about to burst in, ready to throw myself at him and hug him, when he asks Nat another question. This time, his face is more serious.

"How many agents did I-"

Nat looks like she's about to try and say something, but I barge in before she can. "Only me, I think. And it's not even that bad." I try and stay calm, keep the edge out of my voice, but it doesn't work. My lip ends up quivering and tears build up in my eyes and I just can't stop myself: I run straight over to the now untied Clint and throw my arms around him. His own wrap around my back as I bury my face in his shoulder, trying not to let tears spill down his shirt. "Hey Angel." that familiar voice says, choking up a little himself "What damage did I do?"

I pull away from him, rolling up my sleeve to show him the arrow wound, but it's mostly gone (thanks to Asgard healing powers), and there's just a little bit of a hole in my upper arm where the arrow pierced my skin. "Shit, did I actually do that?" he says, a hint of disbelief in his voice as he grabs hold of my arm to inspect the wound "Ali, I'm so sorry. You know that I'd never do anythi-"

"Hey, don't worry, it's okay." I reassure him, resting a hand on his shoulder "And, anyway, the whole Asgardian healing powers thing helps a bit. I presume Nat has told you why I have longer hair and look a bit more insane than I did before?" I look to Nat and she just smiles, rolling her eyes and shaking her head a little. Clint laughs too, scratching the back of his neck a little before he continues. "Yeah, I heard about all that: Loki's childhood best friend, eh? So we were just your back up?" he jokes, feigning offence at the situation "I can't believe you, Alina! Or, should I say Lady Vor!" He says my real name in a mock British accent, and scowl at him, shoving his arm so he falls backwards into the wall. "Oh crap!" he exclaims, chuckling as he pulls himself back up "You've gotten stronger!"

"Yep, or at least, I remember how strong I am." I smirk, and Clint's expression just turns flat, causing me to laugh again. Him and Nat are not far behind, and soon enough, it feels like old times again; before I messed up and Fury chucked me out; before the Asgardians turned up and fucked with my life, (fake) death and everything in between. It feels like I'm just plain old Alina Thornwell again. Well, as plain as an agent with a skill set such as mine can be, anyway.

But I know that it can't last: I know that, if I can get Loki to cooperate again; if I can make him see sense, then I will have to return to Asgard. Maybe not permanently, but every once in a while, I must go back: I have my family and friends there, who all believe me to be dead.

I have to see Sif. As much as she made me a shadow, I know that it was never her fault: father made her do it, without her even realising; so that people would forget that he had a dangerous daughter. Just like Odin did with Loki.

No wonder we became so close.

NOTE: SOOOOO much happier with this chapter than I am with the last one! It was awful, much apologies!!!! This one I like so much better :D Hope you like it everyone!! ~ Sky x