Side by Side...

Set Ablaze

Loving eyes locked in a silent stare,
Worlds set ablaze in the blink of an eye.
Red flames, a symbol of passion,
Passion we choose to ignore.

I can't just forget, the fear is eatting me alive,
The fear instilled by so many others,
Yet your essence is so pure:
It always brings me back to you.

Fear lingering in my heart,
I am still the same as I was before:
Never growing, never changing,
This is my defect.

Still the same as I was before,
Conversation is so hard to hold
When you're only alone;
Is this a blessing or a curse?

I never wanted to end up alone,
I never imagined I would as a kid,
But life is unpredictable
And this is where I am now.

I always imagined how great it would be
To wake with the one I loved,
But over the years I have learned,
Learned I am not destined for that.

Everyone I once loved
Has betrayed me to sorrow
Over the past 19 years,
And I still haven't been able to grow.

My parents have grown to hate me,
They think I'm incapable of love,
But I was taught this vast emptiness
By none other than them.

They could have tried for me
Like they did my brother,
But in their eyes he's perfect:
Obedient, loving, and caring to them.

I was once that way,
But my mind developed at a young age:
I learned to never trust anyone,
Not everyone you love is going to be there for you.

My parents only ever saw what they wanted,
They never cared about my opinion,
Only my brother's mattered,
And it's my fault for how they treat me.

Ever since my brother was born
I realized your love for me shrinks into nothing,
And it's been hard to grow up
When you praise only him.

Growing up without love
Has only made it harder
For me to love or trust anyone
Who says: "I love you."

Every time I tried to believe,
Every time I fell in love with someone
Who told me those words
I only ended up hurt in the end.

It was then I learned that
Even those who claim to love you,
The ones you want to stay,
Will only leave you in the end.

I was 13 when I fell in love the first time.
I loved her and her eyes were filled with love
When she gazed at me.

She gave the best hugs,
I'll never forget how tight she held me
Until one day nothing was ever the same.

Her eyes became devoid of the love she once held,
Her hugs grew shorter and colder
Until she chose to treat me
Like I didn't exist.

I still don't know what happened between us,
But I've learned to live with the pain,
I've learned that it can and WILL happen again,
But I still don't hate her for what she done.

I blame myself,
I was just too much,
And it's still the same,
Even now.

No one who loves me ever wants to stay,
It's a simple fact of my life:
No one can ever stay,
No one can ever love me.

I let them in
Then they show me the door
Because I'm always too much
For anyone to stand.

I keep to myself out of fear,
Fear that I'll fall in love
And it will happen again,
Because I'm tired of being hurt.

I'm disgusting,
I'm wreeking with sadness,
I trust too much,
And that's how I fall.

I always want to believe
In the good of others,
That no one will lie,
But I've been proven wrong before.

I wish I could never trust,
I wish I could never love,
Maybe then the forest of my heart
Would never be set ablaze.