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2018/12/2 - Relapse

~~~ Heyyy, it feels like a long time since I wrote anything, so I tried to write this. Might make a new poetry book soon, this one is getting too long and I want to make one that is full of poems devoted to my dream things. But I will see, for now I will stick to this one. Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy. Oh, a quick note: this 迷魂汤 (Five Flavored Tea of Forgetfulness), is a tea served by Meng Po in Diyu (Chinese hell); the name tells you what it does (makes souls forget their past). ~~~

I did it again.
I thought of you
and mournful tears
filled the void
between
us.

You told me 
not to cry,
that things would
eventually get
better for me
before I came
to join
you.

But how can you
predict things that
you cannot control?

I know that you 
mean well, you have
always meant me
no ill will, but 
this is the one time
when I find myself
doubting 
you.

This life has been
twenty years of misery,
and every time I
think that things are going to
get better, 
they never do.

Why can't you just
take me with you?

My soul is linked 
with yours, indefinitely, 
and this space
between us is
slowly killing me.

The Five Flavored Tea
of Forgetfulness was meant
to make me forget,
but, instead, images of you
still haunt me.

Were my feelings for you
so strong that not even
Meng Po can erase them?

I can see you now,
translucent, and there is
much that I want to say,
but I am afraid that 
you cannot hear me.

Do you know how much
it pained me after you were
gone?

Every place that I looked
seemed to hold memories
of you and I, and I
could never speak of you again
without tears flowing out
like rivers.

Years have passed by
since our time, and
my soul has grown older,
yet it still longs for you.

You once told me 
not to cry, 
that things would
get better 
before I came 
to join you,
but I know now
that they 
never
will.